th box of happiness♥

2012-02-11T22:41:00.000-08:00

-get a guitar *CLEARED*
-do volunteery work *CLEARED*
-get into poly *CLEARED* haha!
IM A HAPPY GIRL!!!^^

if you did not know.. IM OFFICIALLY MARRIED!!!! :D
My husband, is handsome
My darling is strong
My love also has a beautiful voice.
He is fit as a fiddle.
He love to being cuddled like a baby
I love holding him in my arms.
I love to play with him and feel him with my fingers.
Most of all, i love dueting with him.
He, is none other than my Guitar.
hahaha, I LOVE YOU GUITARRRR!!!!!^^

Anyways, had a really great time yesterday!
Went with ShiHui to do our very first volunteery work at Tiong Bahru's Childcare Centre.
But we were late thanks to ShiHui's Pontian Wanton Mee. HAHAHA xD
chiong like made and even took a cab! but luckily we werent the latest xP
At the venue, we helped to sterilise the entire childcare centre to prevent the toddlers from contracting HFMD.. but unfortunately we were one day late as one poor child contracted it. :/
but nonetheless, we did our best with the help of 8 other kind volunteers and 1 Volunteer Leader (VL), to prevent the same thing from happening to the other children.
Although we didnt get to interact with the kids, but the thought of ensuring in keeping them safe and healthy motivated us to do our best.
Although it wasnt any different from doing house chores, but it was definitely and fun and fulfilling experience^^
there were a total of 6boys and 4girls(including us), all teenagers, who volunteered in this activity. Which was a surprise to me, as there were more boys than girls who volunteered and all teenagers!
Which has open my prejudice against guys :)
This should also open people's prejudice about teenagers.. not all teenagers are juvenile delinquents and tardy.
another thing i learnt was also the importance of keeping my house and room clean :p haha.

Later in the Evening, met up with Liyana, ShiHui and Christine to catch a concert at SP by GYSS.
It was a Band, Choir and Dance concert done by their school. The concert wasnt too bad.
And their own schoolmates who attended was very supportive of them. There was shouting and cheering from every corner for them. Even if they made a slight mistake on stage, they still cheered and encouraged which was really nice of them la. But it gets kinda irritating after awhile. haha!
saw alot of familiar faces there too. in any case, it was good. :)

okay.. school is starting, and I HAVENT GOT A JOB!!!DD:
YOU! yes, you reading this. if you have a job to offer me please let me know yyyyaaaaa??
thanks a bunch!^^

Shall go back to my husband now xD
toodles~

2012-01-31T01:07:00.000-08:00

A NEW CHAPTER OF MY LIFE.
im proud to say: RP-AEROSPACE AVIONICS HERE I COME!!!:D
im gonna love this course with all my heart and do well!
honestly, cant wait for my poly life to start. so exciting. (am i the only one feeling this way?)
haha.
well, although, this course wasnt my first choice and RP may not be the best poly in Singapore.. BUT im still gonna make the best of it! yeah man. *motivated*
at first when i first receive my posting results through sms 6:36am in the morning, my first reaction was "... ... ... O.O!!" and stared at it for 10mins. while feeling lost for 24hours.LOL.
however, thanks to all the helps and advices from my friends, relatives and especially my Mum. I have settled peacefully and satisfiedly with the course i was given :)
so, thankyou everyone!
and yes, i'll miss my friends, teachers, secondary school. But i'll bring all these wonderful memories along with me, and move on to create new ones. Meanwhile, thanks again for those who have walked into my life and left me "momentoms and souvenirs" it will all be safe-kept and cherished in my heart, and you will also be remembered :) THANKS YO!^^

next up, new life means new style. LOL.
and yes, my hair style will and has CHANGED.
my long hair, unfortunately, has 'shrunk'.. HAHA!
but nonetheless, im pretty happy with my new hair.. just that it makes me look rather.. kiddy :x
you may wonder why? and wont i regret it? and wont i be afraid of not looking pretty anymore? the point of me cutting.. is actually to cut off all burden, saddness, unhappiness and my overly self-consious personality.
And beauty, is who a person is itself. i dont have to look beautiful to be beautiful.. I am who i am, which is what you will see and accept me as..
and i honestly feel happier too^^

lastly, im craving madly to learn guitar, hip hop and korean! x.x
and im so gonna do it!
shall use me ang bao money to get a guitar and sign up for lesson :D
and i wana watch Dream High 2!!!!:DDDD
actually, for those who didnt know, i am madly in love with Korea. i love their food, drama, language, culture, clothing, EVERYTHING!!!
saranghhyyyyeeee~ (L)
btw.. should i get another job? hmmmm.. (random)

2012-01-26T04:10:00.000-08:00

WHAT AM I TO DO. WHEN IVE REALISE THE ONE IVE BEEN WAITING FOR HAS ALWAYS BEEN YOU...

*sigh* dear god, please help me forget.. stop this feeling..
driving me crazy!! its like so long as im breathing, i'll be missing you till my heartaches.
WHYYYYYY????DDD:

2012-01-17T00:43:00.000-08:00

meeow.

9th Jan has past, therefore, i have collected my Olevel results too.
And, i did very very very badly... so i badly i derserve to die.
i got 23points.. (in my opinion, this is very bad)
but like my father said, what did i or should i expect?
a miracle? Doesnt come around everytime. :/
I, honestly, am still dwelling over my results.. even when i have told myself over a thousand times to stop it.
Never felt so terrible in my life.
Feel like crushing and tearing that cert. Burn it so i can never see it again.
Re-doing it. But, also dont wanna go through that torture again.. maybe this time, even worst.
reow.
I want to redo my Os very badly. At the same time, I never want to do it again.
So irritating.
you will never understand how this would stay with you like a scar, that would never go away! no matter what medicine you use.
AIYA, forget it.
i should calm down, i should move on~ :)

Anyways, thanks to my friends.
They encouraged me alot. Gave me ideas and advices. Its heart-warming^^
Lucky for me too, that i had my Korean friends (from my school Twinning Programme), Junseong and Ikeon, who came down to Singapore and wanted me to be their tour guide!
That helped me take some of those results thingy off my mind awhile~
Haha, i also realise how tough it is being a tour guide and planning stuff. Especially when you gotta accomodate to so many things, people, time, money and having to plan with other.
As people have different ideology, it clashes sometimes. That why we've gotta be open, fast and giving in the process.
And as tough as the planning gets, the doing is tougher.
HAHA! but it was really fun and fresh to me. I also got to experience a Singapore i have never seen before.
All of us enjoyed ourselves BIG TIME. and that would exclude the scorching weather.
damn the weather. Seriously barbequed me for the past 4days. But thank god it didnt rain though :)
But now that they had gone back... i also gotta deal with myself on my own.
Yes, I can. I'll be fine, I'll do better, I'll be stronger :)

Okayy! I gotta find me PANTS for new year!!!!
shall go bugis street tomorrow to hunt for it ba. despite my hurt ankle.. which leaves me limping the entire day x.x
I was also suppose to do something... now i cant remember-,-
Oh, well.
Till, next time! BYEEE! :D

2012-01-03T04:28:00.000-08:00

HIHIHI!! :D
My first entry for the year 2012!
haha, and im still not dead yet.
if i actually make it through to 2013, my first entry for 2013 would be "IN YOUR FACE 2012!!!"
hahaha xD
anws, i hope this year, would be a much better year for me.
hope things would start to take a right turn.. and definitely anticipating what this year has in store for me :)
and with that, my New Year's Resolution for 2012 is:
1) get good results for my O levels :x (miracles can happen right? :/)
2) get into poly of the right course.
3) master my skateboarding.
4) take up atleast 1 volunteer work.
5) learn hip-hop. (people can dream, no?)
6) take up guitar lesson!
7) do well this year. :DDD
YESSSS!! (but whether i fulfill everything is another thing)

and..
im currently lazzzzing around like a sloth!!!! HAHA!
feels really unhealthy though. :/
Today is the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!!
and im happiest cause... IM STILL ON HOLIDAYYYY xD
haha, getting to watch everyone having to force themselves up early again to rush to school with their 10kg bag and socks and hair up! while i relax and nua about in the cool air-con room is SHIOKKKK ;p
But honestly, theres this little part of me that miss going to school :)
But.. this is gonna end quite soon ba...
results gonna be out soon. heard it was on the 9th Jan from Shihui.
*damn damn damn nervous!*
just the thought of it makes my stomach churn in all directions forming thousands of dead knots and my knees go weak. :Z
jin zhang. jin zhang. jin zhang.
why does results have to come out so fassssssssssstt??!?!?!!????! T.T

I think i better not think about it anymore, shall go watch my movies or dramas. HEE^^
i really love 2pm lor. the guys are all so suave, funny, kind-hearted, clever, build, hardworking and talent.
i want to marry one of them!!!!! haha xP
been watching their very own variety show the past few days.
its very funny, i laughed like crazy. haha.

btw, teaching Shihui how to ride a bike tomorrow xP
hope im successful.
plus we are playing badminton and afterwards grabbing lunch at this very meaningful place in Boon Keng^^
sweeet.

alrighty, going off to watch tv, till next time!
toodles!^^

2011-12-27T07:04:00.000-08:00

Its been awhile since i last blog even though im having my holidays now, thats cause i found a job alrdy!
hahaha, yeahh. remembered how i whined about getting a job quickly?
i started on 17Nov, and very quickly, regretted making that wish.
As they say, Becareful What You Wish For.. haha.
But probably because it was my first job and there was alot for me to pick up in a very short period of time as my boss left an entire shop to me to handle alone.. honoured that she see me so highly and even trusted her entire shop to me even though i have only known her for a really short period of time.
but was seriously a very stressful task for me.
But, fortunately, i was able to manage it pretty well. and now, its like a breeze to me. :)
i kinda enjoy working now, although my shop is super empty and quiet, and no doubt i'll receive afew nasty customers.. but thats definitely part of this job.
Learnt quite alot.
but im also ending soon, end of this month.
haha, really short eh?
but i want my break too, before collecting my results.. Which isnt too far from now.
im very scared actually, and honestly, theres really no way of preparing for the worst cause you have hope of getting better.. :/
i even called up a private school to enquire about taking Olevels again... Totally no faith in myself..
but neither do i want to go through Olevels again.
Now that i look back, i really screwed up quite alot..
But whats done is done, i cant undo it, but i can learn from it and not commit the same mistake again.
I guess, if we never fall, we'll never learn...
and i tend to only learn it the hard way..
Well, no space for regrets, just gotta smile :) and move on~

Honestly, i find it harder to trust men day by day..
men are so hard to trust..
so crafty and cunning...
Full of lies and empty promises.
What do they take women as??
all a sickening bunch of idiots.
sorry, probably a handful of you out there arent like that, but if you are guilty of this...
please respect us women, that definitely would bring up your gentlemeness too.
Sorry for being sexiest too. no intention to offend anyone.

2011-11-15T06:52:00.001-08:00

HEY PEEPS! I REBORN-ED MY HAIR!! :D
seems abit flat though, but i love it^^
the only thing that i super duper dislike about it is that i cant wash my hair for 3days!?!!
and its only been 1 day and the driving me nuts x.x
plus the stench of the chemical is disgusting ttm.

-BEFORE-

-AFTERRR-

(sorry, kinda dark so it isnt very clear :x)

Btw, you see those stack of papers and books behind me?
their all my Olevel book and,
I HAVE OFFICIALLY CLEARED MY OLEVELS!! *cheers*
but i dont really dare to give my books away for fear of __ :S
so, its still THERE, on hold, collecting dustin in my room :/
hope i can get into the poly course that i want, or might consider... retaking 'O's? :x
whatever. im just gonna enjoy my freedom now~~~ :)
actually to be very honest, freedom isnt all that great, and it sucks when you've got nothing to do.
I WANNA WORK! but noone has called me up yet :( Seriously, someone please start punching in my number and tell me, " you make start work tomorrow." and i'll be very grateful.
super despo now-,-

And prom, the excitement of it, is just seriously drying up.
Not so excited about it anymore. and probably even kind of disappointing.
as i wasnt successful in finding a proper clutch.
have to be my own 'professional' make-up artiste whom i have not touched a mascara before-,-
i dont even know whether my colour combi. of the overall can make it :/
and if it doesnt! boy, will i remember that night for the rest of my life.
pray that my make-up is a successful one~

kay, super tired after bring dragged all over town for the whole of today..
turning in for the day, chaos! :)

2011-11-12T07:39:00.000-08:00

Very cold today. great climax for my mood..
What wrong did i do? i've been thinking about it and i see that i did no wrong.
but everyone is making feel like i commited some outrageous crime and im to be beheaded anytime. :/
tasted my tears again.

Wonder why.. Does everyone have this thinking that it's a must to confide your unhappiness to someone? Why cant someone just be given some time and peace alone and let them deal with their own emotions?
I seriously dont get it sometimes. I agree that confiding your sorrows to someone is pretty helpful at times, although 80% of the time, s/he didnt really solve the problem at all.. but it only works SOMETIMES, not always.
Sometimes, somethings, just requires the person to be left alone.. whether is it to cry or just stone in the same place for hours. Doesnt mean that s/he has immediate plans to commit suicide right?! that would be down right STUPID!
but if you confide in someone, it's also no longer a one person's burden but two! although a burden shared is a burden halved.. but seriously? who is really willing to let another person be burdened over their own burden when they are alrdy burdened enough by their own burden?? makes sense?
There are also certain painful things that cant be said or told, even if they need someone to confide in, they just cant.
But if it were me, i personally dont like it. I would rather keep it in, although, sometimes i do need someone to be there for me.. but i dont like the feeling of burdening other ppl. It might probably increase my burden even more.
I tend to just silently cry to myself and reflect on it over and over, letting it play in my head over and over as i cry for just that short, brief moment so that no one catches me..
and would be alright afterwards! although i might still have that little bit of sadness lingering in me, but it will slowly recover.. :)

There are certain things that are really beyond my reach, but all i ask is for a simple, happy life.. is that really too much to ask for? Is that considered overly-selfish?
Someone told me today that Karma would haunt me and my life is damned for eternity for doing something i never did. But you dont have to remind me that, i know. :)

This song is exactly how i once felt.

I LIKEY LIKEY this song^^ Charice's Voice is awesome! :)

2011-11-11T02:49:00.000-08:00

Today is 11/11/11!:D
nonono~ i should talk about something more Ji Li. haha.
hmm~ i think i should reminisce about special events that has took place for my past 15years?
i probably might only remember the incidence that took place in the past 5years only, have serious stm xD

Actually, looking back now, i realise i participated in alot alot of things and tried manymany things for the first time. im actually considered a very lucky girl. Heehee :)
i .. :
-participated in NDP's 45th Birthday!
-participated in a photography competition :)
-got a Gold with Honours in my SYF in 2011!
-Became the President of my AVA club
-Became a Director in my Council.
-Volunteered 200+ hrs of community service
-went on a twinning programme with Korea
-got into express
-met wonderful friends
-awesome teachers
-experience different worlds
-was born in a country no one would ever suspect.
-got into fights (LOLs)
-broke rules (who didnt?)
-skipped classes (haha!)
-cried madly over a guy
-cheated in a relationship
-watched a horror movie for the first time (haha, never have guessed?)

haha, so many~ cant remember them all :p
i even rode roller coaster for the first time at USS with my Korean friends, and within that first time, i rode another 9times on the same day! LOLs
watched horror movies for the first time and could not sleep for the next 6days, HAHA!
and NDP was unforgettable, all the training that made me us all fall asleep in humanities and amaths class. HAHA!
And my AVA club, the TIC, Mr Walter Khoo, passed away in 2008. now that the club is on the verge of disbanding... i feel very sad :( but i already did my best soo, yeah :)
Skipped classes and school like nobodies business, HAHA!
and experienced different worlds! I experience being rich (although nobody knew), experience going to a rich ppl's school, experience going to a govt school (and i liked it better :), experience being a deliquent but changed for the better. Experience standing up from my failure :)
Experience living in a rich country (Canada), in a poor country (Indonesia) and a normal (?) country (Singapore). And interacting with friends of different races and backgrounds.
All these experiences and sweet memories are simply PRICELESS.

be it good or bad, it always ends of with a happy ending and brings me to brand new chapter of life :)
Used to think that whats the point of living when we all die in the end, but i now realise that i am so wrong.
im happy the way i am, i cant ask for perfect, but it is the imperfections in my life that made my life worth living.

Life is Beautiful.

2011-11-11T02:08:00.000-08:00

I think im pms-ing very badly today :x
In the afternoon, i was super happy goin out with Shihui.
Then for a brief moment, i was kind of angry.
On my way home, I suddenly felt very sad listening to "If This Was A Movie"-Taylor Swift
When i reached home, i was suddenly super frustrated.. (probably still am.. -,-)
WHAT IS THIS MAAAAAAANN!!! DDD:
TSK.

i think all this holiday and free time is driving me mad! I feel so empty :(
desperately looking for a job to keep me busy. If not, at this rate, i might go bonkers anytime!
Seems like many ppl are thinking same way as me.
At first, i soooo cant wait for my busy Olevel life to end... now, i feel like i wanna take up my books again.. BUT NO WAY(aside from science). not in a million years :P

went to afew places with Shihui to help her find her shoes for prom while i search for a job.
hope someone calls me up soon *cross-fingers*
wanted to go volunteer at a children's home, but if i were to take a job.. seems pretty impossible. :/
I think i also have to give up the idea of taking up guitar aswell :(
haishh... i want to learn!!! but no money.. SAD LIFE TTM.
plus, my email acc was hacked that i totally can do nothing to revive it. Just splendid.

The only thing i can look forward to is going to Malaysia! YEEESSSAAAHH^^

: Which is a lie, which is true. Although there is nothing more between us.. but i want to know the truth. I dont want to leave us with a lingering feeling just like that, all messed up and nothing told. I want to know whats really going on, i want to hear it from you. All i want is to clear up this mess before moving on, all i want is honesty. I dont care what is it, i just want what is true. If you are a man, stop hiding and own up to your actions. I would really appreciate it no matter how ugly the truth may be.

: _ & _ , if you honestly want know, it hurts.. it hurts very badly. Everytime you quarrel, everytime you fight, everytime you cry, everytime you tell me things i dont want to hear.. But how do you expect me to tell you that it crushes me inside? To tell you and watch you get torn up even more.. how do you think i'd bear to tell you? but i really dont wish to see and hear anymore. Who would want to be in this kind of senerio? Although i'll just laugh it off, but its just a mask to hide my sadness. When will you guys just stop this? For me to just smile and attentively listen to all the words that cuts me like a thousand blades.. do you really not see it at all?
hmmm.. i guess i fit the bill for a mediacorp artiste. *sigh*

2011-11-06T06:08:00.000-08:00

HELLO MY BLOG! :D
haha, finally updating my blog again^^
it sure feels great that now all my major Olevel papers are over and im only left with my chinese and science mcq.
i have so much to catch up and update this blog that i suddenly cant remember what. haha.
maybe, just update whatever that comes into my mind first ba.

firstly, i recently visited a blog of a certain friend of mine, WL :)
if by any chance you're reading this too, i want to tell you honestly that i feel the same way you do. i also felt very guilty all this time for what i had said and done to you...
and occasionally, i would suddenly wonder how are you doing? how are you getting along with life? and would you still remember me? and are you still angry with me?
seems like i got half my answer.
i really hope you are doing fine though :)

secondly, seriously super lazy to upload my photos that were taken in Korea-,-
even though im super free now and slacking my way thru~ actually i shouldnt right? :/
gotta brush up on my science and chinese, but also lazy. haha, so pig sia me.
but the 1week trip to Korea, was indeed a very fulfilling, fun, memorable and
worthy trip !
Visited many beautiful places and even caught up with Ji Yuan there! haha!
I super duper love the food there! and the night market!
i even got to watch Music Bank Live! :D
saw many famous stars pretty up close such as infinite, boyfriend, shinee, miss A and some others. lucky me :)
learnt the Korean language from my korea friends which is adopted from the chinese language, thus learning Korean was pretty easy.
i visited the N tower in Korea too! and the view from above was really breath-taking. You could see the bridges linking two banks of a river, the sky linking with the land, the bustling city area and the rural ones. It was really an eye-opener.
plus the monsoon experience was hilarious and very memorable! haha! only those who were there wld understand what i mean.
The vastness of the place, far away from everything, gave me a chance to cool off and think through of what im gonna do with my life. Seriously glad that i was given this golden opportunity :)
The only thing i regretted was not shopping enough there! but, atleast still manage to buy back afew ornaments and gifts.

Thirdly, i have finally come to terms with myself. I used to hate J, M, E, SJ alot alot :x for all that had happened.. for all the mistake in my life because of these people. it was really a tough time for me then.. i had to struggle facing them in school, hold back my wrath and tears, cope with my studies and act all normal infront of people even though everything in my feels like its about to breakdown on me. But, i reflected on everything for a long time.. and slowly all my hate fade away, and now im numb to it all. Because im too overwhelmed with those who cared for me that, it really doesnt matter anymore. Im now even more glad that i have met ppl like them, which helped me made it clear to me, who genuinely cared for me and who really stayed through this ordeal with me. Im grateful.
Ultimately, its also a choice each person makes, and also a choice i would respect regardless who. I didnt regret making mine.

Lastly, i have many things on my wishlist that i wanna do after my Os!
1. take up guitar lessons
2. finding a job!
3. volunteer at homes
4. catch-up on my dramas! (HAHA)
5. organise an outing for a reunion for my p6 friends :D
6. help my sister with her studies and preparation for P6
7. adjust my body clock back to normal! xD
8. Enter poly- business course!>< *cross-finger*

actually, i think there is more, but these are just a few that i definitely want to do^^
heehee, so excited about it!
okay, tired now~ till next time!

2011-08-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

Even after all this time.. after all the pain, all the hurt, all the tears shed, all the saddness..
I WONT AND NEVER EVER REGRETTED.
i admit, that you still belong and have a place somewhere in my heart, and apart of me still misses you, Jackson Teo Hwa Hong.
but i know i have to let go, i know i have to move on..
This relationship, no one guaranteed me of anything, no one promised me that this was going to be easy.. but yet, i allowed myself to take the gamble. I chose to love you, so i also have to learn to let go~
Even so, i thankyou for everything you gave.
i thankyou for the memories, be it good or bad, and all the experiences and sharing with me apart of you and your life. Thankyou :)
I will cherish them all.
and to end off, i wish for you to live a better life. Sleep longer, laugh harder and be stronger. Eat well, sleep well and be happier. :)
and i want to say this to you for the last time,"Baby, I love you."

I still believe that im the luckiest girl in the whole wide world!
i've got a healthy, lovely and warm family, awesome friends, wonderful people and a life.
what more could i ever ask for?^^

2011-08-10T08:28:00.000-07:00

KOREA`
{4Aug2011 ~ 10Aug2011}
loads of beautiful and wonderful memories
not willing to wake up to Singapore
Shall update more about it next time.

Not in a very good mood actually..
probably becoz im sick :/ and because of some bad incident that happened once i arrived in Singapore.
Sickening.
I really dun feel like living anymore.
Fuck My Life.

I really feel that if im dead, you wouldnt even have known or maybe wouldnt have even cared.

i really dont know whether to be grateful or what? fuck.

The world has turn grey

2011-07-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

Has our relationship sour? I dun understand whats going through your head sometimes..
Am i really not good enough? Am i really so hard to trust? Am i really that incompetent in your eyes?
What on do you really see me as, in your heart, truely?

Do you know how many times you have hurt me and how badly you hurt me? but yet i kept quiet about it.. do you even know? or are you pretending not to.. just because i dun say?
When i dont say, isnt because im an easy push-over okay? Its only because i believe that you being my boyf will somehow feel it.. cause` you ARE my boyf.
But i guess.. im wrong.
When i ask you, you take it so lightly and make things sound like you have better things to do.. when she ask you, you take it like you picked up a gem from the streets..
and yet, im such an idiot to still respect your decision and think for you..
and yet , im that bloody idiot that still loves you even after all the hurt..
still believing that all you meant was well, when clearly infront of my eyes smack right in my face it FRIGGIN ISNT!
seriously, what do you want from me?
am i just some scapegoat to replace your lost?
I really want to know, and at the same time i dont.
I dont even dare to look you in the eye anymore, cause` somehow it says too much that stabs me right through my heart. but you just look into mine so casually. awesome.
Every look into your eyes, fills mine with tears, fills my heart with hurt and fear.
Sometimes the pain is so unbearable that i want to just cut everything lose and break-free.. but then i start to feel for you and i find myself grow small and confine myself into the same shit again.

and i can bet 99.9% that of so many post that i have posted for the past few weeks or even months, you have never read them. I bet you cant even remember my blog's url.
Whereas if you had one, i swear, i would faithfully visit it atleast once a week..
i really dun wan to pursue the matter, cause i keep believing that you will one day see, without me having to tell you.. hurt you.. but when will that be?

it feels like, its just me, chasing this relationship all this while...
yes, I AM AN IDIOT.

and i doubt, your heart was ever with me.

probably its retribution? hah.
silence is a girl's loudest cry.

Can i still make it?

2011-07-03T06:25:00.000-07:00

Honestly, im feeling very worried and scared now...
i dun dare to face the future and time slaps me over and over with every tick of the second, screaming at me that TIME IS RUNNING OUT!
i get even more tense, more paranoid, more skeptical of my own abilites..
afraid of every move i make and whether it's worth the time spent on.
i confess, im very scared.

I failed every single subject for MYE.. its a reason scary enough to put my into an insomnia for months.
I know, with my abilities, how far i can go..
so i decided to take a gamble.
to study very hard for 5 subjects and drop the rest..
I know its a very big risk.. but i have no choice anymore.
Im gonna study very hard for my English, Science, Emaths, Amaths and POA.
and score well in them..
I would still try to pull up my humanities aswell, but ultimately more into those 5 subj.
I kinda regretting all the decisions i made in the past.
but i know i have to put that all behind now, and try my best to retrieve all back through this 'O' lvl.
If theres a god out there, any god, pleasepleaseplease help me.. to give me strength to go through this 'O' level, to do well in it.. to have faith that i can.
Even if its gonna kill me, im gonna force myself to do something i really hate-Study.

No one can stop me, no one can help me, no one can save me... i can only do it MYSELF.

I GOT TO STOP DOUBTING MY ABILITIES! I GOT TO HAVE SOME FAITH IN ME! IF I BELIEVE I CAN MAKE MIRACLES HAPPEN, THEN I CAN!

2011-06-19T06:57:00.001-07:00

i have a confession to make..
and im sorry god for my stupidity and for my selfishness.
IM JUST SO BLIND.

today, i took out the stash of old letters from people certain people..
these people, are people who ONCE apart of my life.. but unfortunately, not anymore.
I read the letters, all of them.. i read and i cried and i read and i cried...
only realising what a stupid fool i was, to have been so blind. To have doubted these people who genuinely cared for me most.
All i saw was myself, maybe because i couldnt trust myself enough.. maybe because i was scared.. maybe, maybe, maybe..
All was in my mind, manupilating me.. when what so kind and true was standing right infront of me.
How come i could not have seen it, felt it, sensed it?
I have let down you...

Im sorry. You have done so much for me.. but all i brought for you was pain and hurt.. I broke so many promises to you, but yet, you were still ever so kind to me. I still not a bad girl? im still not to be blamed? i still dont deserve to be reprimanded and slapped?
"You were never to be blamed and that never once crossed my mind, its all my own fault." is what i really wish to be able to tell you now.

To ****n:
#i miss you.
#i want to go crazy with you.
#i want to joke around with you.
#i want to walk with you.
#i want to comfort you.
#i want to see your smile.
#i want to talk with you hours on the phone.
#i want to make fun of your name.
#i want to hear your laughter.
#i want to go through thick and thin with you.
#i want to go hyper with you.
#i want scream with you.
#i want to cry with you.
#i want to be able to talk with you again.
#i want everything with you..

To *******:
#i still think of you ever now and then.. I just cant get you out of my head.
#i keep recalling the past of us. (and smile/sulk out of the blue)
#i want to see you.
#i want to talk to you.
#i want to know how are you.
#i want to write letters to you again.
#watch you from afar
#i dream of you many nights.
#i wish with every chance to get to see you.
#i yearn for your smile.
#to call you secretly.
#i want to tell you, "ni yao xing fu".
#im afraid that you would leave..
#im afraid of not being able to see you anymore.
#im afraid to lose you..
#i want to make-up to you.
#

IM SORRY- for being selfish, for being so blind, for being so childish.. for hurting you.
if i could turn back time and re-do everything, i would hold you tightly and never doubt you or hurt you ever again. im regretting it, and i kept it in long enough..
honestly, im feeling very remorseful, whether i see you or not.. 24/7 damn am i feeling remorseful and regretting everything ttm. Even if you have forgiven me, i still cannot forgive myself for what i did to you..

that's just my punishment for what i did to you..

but now, i know, i must force myself to put it down and at the back of my heart and mind.. i MUST move forward and leave the past behind. I must assure that i do not commit the same crime and hurt more that is here with me now. i hope you do the same too.

I wish you happiness :)

2011-06-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

YCKSS-Motivational Workshop`2011 was the greatest!
and was so damn worth the expenses ;)

Initially, i was quite brought down by my grades and all, i believed life for me suck to the core and that i really have no hope anymore. I truely did work very hard, i swear! but then i kept failing and the worse part is my marks are also going down. Thats why i got so emotional in my previous post.. so upset that i really wanted to commit suicide. Really. my intention was there already.
Then i had this Motivational Workshop that was gonna last for 12hours+ for all 3days, i really felt more shitty and wondered if things could get any worse than this. I really dread coming for the workshop at first.

Then i had 3 AWESOME and UNIQUE instructors :
1. Andrea (whacky, hyper and siao one)
2. Leroy (the tall, multi-ethnic vampire-looking guy)
3. Siew Ping (BIGBIRD)

haha! and they all had their own very unique way of teaching and opening us to many things in life that is infront of us, but yet we cannot see.
They taught us that FAILURES do not exist only if you believe yourself to be one.
and nothing is ever too late! with ever hope that we have no matter how small, with must grasp tightly to it and not give up on it.
They also taught us how fortunate we are, so fortunate, but yet we complain, blame, make excuses and complain again. we just never learn to feel contented and cherish what we have until it's gone and regret it.
We are fortunate to have many things, but we pry for more and disregard or even despise certain things or even ourselves for not being able to obtain these things.
Sometimes, its not that we cant, but we belief and perceive it to be the case.
and like Leroy said, "Life will give you anything that you ask for.."

We all have similar brains, if others can, why cant you?
and the question, "why cant you?" must lead to an answer. where have you gone wrong, what have you missed or was it something you overdo??
We all have the potential to do well, but just how do we do it? with what STRATEGY do we need to achieve that? and with that, we also need a specific direction as to where we are driving at and what is our goal.

I also learned another important lesson, that is to cherish, care and bring happiness the one person whom you owned to the most-your parents.
Parents:
-made sure they could give birth to you safely.
-brought you to this world
-made many many sacrifices for you.
-cared and loved you.
-stood by you.
-taught you the many things in life.
-made sure you are safe.
-first taught you how the talk, walk-with alot of patience.
-pampered you.
-protect you.
-try their best to give you the best to their ability.
-give you a good life, good house.
-never blamed or request for pay back for what they have done for you.
-worked hard for your expense on food, transport, living, education, health, safety etc, etc.

and all your duty as a student, as a daughter, as a sister and so on, was to do well for your exams which was only what you could repay them for. If that cannot be done and you belief that it cannot be then it cannot be. But you and your parent would feel remorseful for not being able to do the one thing that you should be focusing now.

there was alot alot alot more~ they even taught us how some skills and strategies of studying and scoring well in the exam could be used and applied. It was awesome.
I really learned so much for it. I even found my reason for not being able to do well.
I have also realised that i seriously have wasted enough time.. but i greatly learnt lots for my 3 superb instructors and was glad that it was not some cheesy 'stay alive' speech, but really something worth attending for and my time was not wasted :)
Leroy even said something whiched triggered me, " I am not here to motivate you, i honestly dont believe in such crap.. i am only here to help you and give you ways, the motivating is up to you to motivate yourself."
and for the first time since K2/ P1... i told my mum i love her, and it felt weird at first.. but then the it felt great^^ (L)

Today was the closing ceremony and i cried, but yesterday was worse that my eyes looked like goldfish this morning, i told myself that this wasnt the end... it was just a BEGINNING.
even with just 4-5 mths left before my "judgement day", i believe that i can do.
but like said, CHOICES comes with CONSEQUENCES.
Therefore, i am afraid that i have to let go alot of time spent with my babyy. :z

Babyy, sorry kay. Just bare with me this year.
Im sorry, but im not like you.. i need the time to buck up as my foundation isnt that wonderful, especially S3's work, so i need the time to build them up.. so might have to spent alot lesser time with you starting from today onwards.
Hope you understand me and you must work hard too yea? reach your goal and have your face hung outside the school ;P
JIAYOUZ!!!!:D and im sorry.
After 'O' level, my time is all yours and it would be more relaxing by then(:

I would also confiscate my own lappie until after 'O' levels. T.T
Thus, this shall be the last day that i would be updating this blog or even going to facebook until i have finished my 'O' level. (my ANNIVERSARY is exceptional though~)
My chances may be slim, but i really want to believe, i want to achieve, i want to get back my self-esteem and the pride in my parents i want to reach to something with my own abilities.

TO ACHIEVE <12 POINTS O LEVELS IS CURRENTLY MY GOAL.

Work now ==> Play later ;)

2011-05-30T07:06:00.000-07:00

SCREW MY DAMN LIFE!!!!
why cant i seem to do anything right? I really feeled damn messed up now.
im like trying very hard to save every time that i have left, but the feeling now is just like the time in your hand has turned to sand and dust and it keeps falling away from every opening it can slide through... and all you can do is... watch.
faggot! maggot! nugget! raggot! saggot! gaggot! haggot! jaggot! laggot!
haisshh~~

anws, today i had my Chinese O lvl :Z
which i think it's SHITCZXCXCZ!
during the start of my paper, i damn afraid that i really wanted to just give up.
i doubt anyone noticed, but i was actually tearing during the exam..
right before the exam, i even cried 2times. Im freaking scared no matter how much i try not to. I tried to calm myself down, but this fear just stuck onto me..
for paper 1, i paste the damn sticker on the wrong paper.
and for paper 2, i wrong the answer on the wrong part.
fuck.
i think i even wrote out of point for my paper 1. double fuck.

tmr i getting back my scripts... i think it wont be an anticipating one.
coz my life is just way too fucked up to anticipate anything else in life anymore.

All i want is to do well for my exams... why is it so friggin' difficult??
really dont feel like going to sku tmr, and so NOT motivated to attend any motivational talk.
I just feel like cooping myself at home, shuting the door behind me and not come out or talk to anyone for the rest of the day...
im really too ashamed of myself. donno what im worth in this world.
say i want to bring smiles to others, say i want to create a brighter day for everyone.. honestly la, can i? lol.

tired.

2011-05-20T05:57:00.000-07:00

WWHHHEEEEE~ today was the final paper(s) for MYE!!! :D
wah~ finally man. All MYE papers cleared!
yesterday, had my practical exam, which i totally screwed up. Both physics and chemistry :/
i think it was due to the migraine, my vision was spinning like crazy then. i even lost track of what i was doing then.
after that, was qurantined for 4 freaking hours x.x and my headache still didnt subside :z
tried to study, but the words were literally flying around. So i tried to sleep, but ppl keep waking me up. LOL!
in the end, end up shifting around xD
first played UNO stack with val and gang, then talked to iris and jerome, then played some number game with michelle and elizabeth, then continued talking to iris, jerome and shengda. It was damn hilarious talking to them xP but my headache got worse x.x
went to see the doctor with mum after that.
Today, i had my geography and Science MCQ paper(:
i think i did pretty well today, especially for my MCQ paper^^
felt great after the final paper :D

now i am let with my Olevel chinese, and i feel rather prepared and confident that i can make it.
i hope that comes true^^

okok, going out with my baby tomorrow!(L)
wana go and watch Thor, then go walkwalk (Y)^^
cannot wait!~ so excited!!!
ggggaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh~! :DD

2011-05-12T05:31:00.000-07:00

miss moi?;p haha

today is 12th may 2011, therefore..
HAPPY 9th MONTHSARY TO MY BELOVED!!!:D
hah! zi-highz xD
wah~ cannot believe that we could actually make it this far^^
i hesitated quite afew times this morning, thinking that today was only the 7th/8th month. lol xP
but honestly, time doesnt really matter so much, 10years or just 10mins, so long as i get to see him happy, healthy and well. im fully contented^^
and i finally bought him his valentine's day gift xP delay till now~ sorry:P

i finally finished my POA paper today! HURRAY:D
ITS. FINALLY. OVER.
but super worried and nervous about my results..
and i realised, im more nervous about results than taking the exams x.x my stomach is in a SUPER knot now..
im so gonna fail my maths (die)
im think my english is a goner (die)
my chinese is atrocious (die)
totally messed up s.s. (die)
catch no balls for chem (die)
big question mark for physics (die)
dont even think about my amaths (triple die)
and POA.. i feel inbetween but more towards the failing side (DIEDIEDIE!)
nnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!D:
but thank godness its only MYE.. if its Olvl *HUG WOOD* i might aswell go and commit suicide.
so this goes to show my hard work is not hard enough.. I need to work even harder!
for the next few paper left.. geog, amaths2, science paper 1, sci pract. and oral wo geng ni ping le!
i hope i do well for them all, atleast to pull up some marks that i think im gonna lose.

but for today, i just want to be lazy and play around! (sorry, but i cant help it :P)

{somethings may change, but there are things that will remain.}
{life is never a game, we have only got one life, one shot.}
{no such thing as cold, just less warm ; no such thing as dark, just less light}

2011-05-06T06:47:00.000-07:00

Mid-Year has started, on 3May2011.
SIANZ. time flies~
everytime i want to start the exam, i would have a sudden flashback of what happened in sec3 triggered in the back of my mind, causing me to hesitate.
Then, i would find it so friggin hard to write properly, like something is controlling my hand from starting the paper:/
Especially today. really killed my day right from the very start of my morning. Because i am 99.99% sure! im gona fail my amaths paper. great isnt it?:/
its like knowing that there is a very deep pit infront of you, but you have no choice but to walk right into it and fall hard. i really must find a way to get myself out of the pit hole fast :<
having moodswing since yesterday afternoon, but today really caused it to worsen.
but now im kinda okay alrdy, anws theres no point sulking over it anymore. IT'S OVER.
now. i must concentrate on EVERYTHING ELSE!!
Chemistry, Physics, Emaths paper2, POA, Amaths paper2(?), Geography and Science Practical!
Booossshhhh~ pray that i can make it through this month, and do well for my MYE even though its not my 'O' level.

I WANNA GO TO SINGAPORE POLY!!!!:D

are you really deaf and blind to everything? or are you just pretending not know at all.. i really wonder. do you really feel nothing at all?
seriously. tired of pretending everything is alright when it isnt.. tired of trying to change to someone im not. tired of complimenting. tired of doing what others expect then follow my own path. tiredtiredtired.
i feel so strangled with you, yet so neglected sometimes.
you got to understand that, me is me and i AM me. and it will forever be.. just me and not someone else.
words are words. they can be as sweet as candy, as touching as scenes in the movies, as hurtful as falling hard from high ground, as soothing as classical music to your ears, as convincing as what you see.. but i believe that real sincerity comes from one's action.
which is disappointing, because i dont see.
i may have missed it, but if i did.. then honestly, it must have been very casual that did not leave a mark in me.
even if there is no sincerity, could you atleast spare a little thought for me? please.
i dont want to be saying all this to you, but its been so long, you should have figured.. i hope:/
not by reading my dumb blog, but to see. with your heart.
haish..
shouldnt be concentrating so much on this.. but just pouring it out here to get it off my chest or else i think i would really explode.

in any case, change of topic!
MOTHER'S DAY is around the corner!! havent got my mum and grandma anything yet D:
gona hunt for it tmr! but donno what to get, damn do i dislike this part:/
aahhh~ wish me luck! for the search of the presents and my MYE:D
GOGOGO!!!

2011-04-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

Feeling super messed up recently.
Too many feelings rushing all at once at me, i feel like im getting "seasick" here.

Firstly, very happy and proud that choir manage to secure a GWH in SYF^^
Choir well done! :D
this really paid off all the hard work we have put in for the past donno how many months (lost count, haha)
But very glad that that all ended on 19th April 2011
it felt awesome that i wanted a replay, haha!
but thankyou to everyone's effort, it would not have been possible without everyone else(:
WAY TO GO!^^
but the one thing i regret about it all is that.. I WANT TO LEARN AVE MARIA VERY BADLY!!!xP
and honestly, i still want to sing. Sing as a group, as a whole(:

Secondly, MYE is around to corner!
Mind. filled. with. STRESSS!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
why does everything have to happen so soon:S
i havent even started with revision and still stuck with an effielle tower of HOMEWORK!!T.T

Thirdly, i have finally STEP DOWN from COUNCIL!!^^
after so long~ its like finally being able to put down one of the load on your shoulder that you have carried and endure with it for a long time~
but it feels kinda weird without it now, like you are missing something in your life..
haha, life is like that.. we just donno how much it really meant to us till we lose it.

speaking of that.. my 2ndsister is in the hospital for quite afew days alrdy, and ive been feeling really down and out recently. *sigh*
I REALLY REALLY MISS HER.
but dont want to upset anyone, so i kept quiet.
Ive watched my sisters, grandma, mother and even my maid cry for the past few days.. and was trying very hard to stay strong and not break down.
I tried to comfort them all by cracking jokes with them. letting them confide in me.
but i just couldnt hold back anymore today.. and broke down very hard..

I went to visit her in the hospital again today.
She was taking her medicines again, and was overjoyed to see me and my 3rd sister. She became super chatty again and never stopped smiling.
Then later when the doctor have to poke some needle into her again, she was in pain. but she only moaned abit and tears welled up in her eyes.. but then she still turned to me and smiled sweetly.. my heart shattered into millions man:/
Then later, she still could joke to my ammah about how much it hurts.
I really was on the verge of exploding then, but contemplated in hard for her.
later, when i wanted to make my way back.. she requested for a hug from me. i did and broke down later when i went out of her ward and far enough so that she wouldnt hear me cry..
My legs were all numbed then that i could bear stand properly, but my father held me.
felt like dying that moment.. felt so very lousy.
But after crying so hard, i felt much better and know i must be optimistic about it, and so i will!
IF MY SKINNY, FRAIL SISTER CAN BE SO STRONG, SO CAN I!:D
for her and everyone else, i must (:
and if she is so strong, she will be well in no time^^
JIAYOUJIAYOU!!!!
GET WELL SOON NIA!!!!:D

2011-04-01T06:52:00.001-07:00

APRIL FOOLS!!!:D didnt think i would have come to blog today right?^^ actually had plans on blogging for a long time alrdy, just didnt really have the time to :p Today: Honestly, was freaking pissed off that i want to blast somebody's face! But held back everything, because didnt want to cause anymore problem for J. seriously. if i could blast you and make sure you breakdown into every speck of ash, believe me i would. But im holding back for number of reasons which are way more worthy than wasting my time and energy to blast that damn f**k face of yours. Had my exchange with BPSS too, their instructor praised us like crazy and was simply mesmerised by our performed (quoted from BPSS's instr), which meant all our effort put in did not go to waste^^ SYF is in another 2more weeks, CHOIR FTW!!!^^ Mr Eugene came back to yckss!! He say we never changed and even texted me just to say that jean's hair didnt change either. LOL! xD Talked to him for awhile. He complained alot about the students in RI and say that he misses us alot. Aaaww~^^ Saw Lamzy today xD shock ttm! xP was more afraid of seeing Desmond which fortunately couldnt not come xP(Phew~) IM REALLY CONSIDERING GOING FOR FOOD SCIENCE IN SP^^ have a very good feeling about joining this course in SP after my 'O's Must work doubly hard, aim to score atleast 11pts for my L1R4. which is half of what im achieving now T.T damn stress. O LEVEL! WO GENG NI PING LE!!!;D work super-uber-duper-ultra hard now, and all will be paid off later(: JIAYOUJIAYOUJIAYOU!!! (self-motivation^^) im really switching myself to offline mode, and not caring about stupid details such as your childish ways~ so however much you try to harass or tackle me.. you would only be making a huge fool of yourself. Cause im not even a tiny-bit affected(: Roses, i want to make them for you<3

2011-03-11T06:23:00.001-08:00

TSK. i havent updated this blog for eons alrdy :(
poor thing, especially my cbox x.x being spammed by virus like noone's business.. i think im gona remove it. anws, its not really active anyways.

I WANT MY HANDPHONE BACKK!!!!!
im super duper unhappy laaa): i want my handphone back!
why would anyone want to take my handphone anyways :/
it cannot be used anymore, the messages is being locked and the phone wun have much value if that person plans to sell it..
haaiiisshhh~ i should not have been so careless.
i miss that phone. i feel so guilty towards it since yesterday T.T
people tell me its a good chance to get a new one, but idk why i just love that one alot!
*sigh* ALL MY FAULT.

my life is still as busy as ever xP
filled with so many things~
do you know what is the saddest thing?? my Elearning, Homework and cca STOLE MY HOLIDAYS!!! T.T
this is so unfaaaiiiirrrr~ xP

SYF is also nearing, so nervous and pretty excited^^
my SYF is on 19th April~ then investiture is on 21th April, MTP on 25th April..
COMMON TEST WEEK IS FROM 18th-21th April!! aaaaahhhh~
so many things.. but im looking forward to it, for some funny reason xP
but still, i want my HOLIDAY BACK!! (my handphone too!)

going out with Jackson tmr, SUPER looking forward to it!^^
heee :D
i still owe you your V' day gift hor^^

k la, shall stop here. super tired.. cant think well xP
BYE!

2011-02-12T08:03:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 6TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY~!!!!(L)(L)(L)
time really flies, and in a blink of an eye, we've alrdy gone through half a year together~ (:
actually it doesnt even feel like the 6th month at all xP it feels like its still somewhere in the 3rd month xD
maybe it just doesnt really matter how long i've been with you, what really matters is that i get to know you alittle bit more each day, be with you and love you(:

went out with him today(:
he wore his new year clothing. a slim-cut checkered shirt, and a nice denim jeans^^
it was rather simply, but very nice! (L)
we went to The Cathay, back to where we were on our first date^^ still remembered how we stayed so quiet, not daring to say or do much to each other, glance at each other shyly and the feeling was alittle awkward. HAHAHA xD
was suppose to watch Green Hornet there, but there was no time slot in the afternoon. shyt. :/
walked around there for awhile before we train down to City Hall and continued to roam around aimlessly~
surprisingly, it super was fun^^
but for the first time, i went out till 7.30pm and reached home around 8pm. o: and i was not scolded^^

*SIGH* seldom get this kind of outing luxury anymore.. so caught up with alot of work lately, havent got much time to update this blog or even go online):
if its not School, then its VA, or its CCA, or Learning Journey, or tuition, or homework...
and homework is really piling on me like crazy! i think its will got higher than Mt. Everest!
with addition to tuition HW! plus VA! T^T
ZZZZZZ. LIFE IS SO DULL.
we should really start thinking about saving the earth then encouraging more trees to be cut down by doing our hw-,- ... what on earth am i saying.

OLEVEL HAS CAUSED ME TO BECOME MENTALLY UNSOUND.

when i say 'i hate you', i dont mean it. it just means that i hate myself for everything that has happened to you.

2011-02-06T04:31:00.000-08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! ;DD

my new year resolution:
1. TO STUDY HARD AND DO WELL MY 'O' levels!^^
2. for my ammah and everyone else to stay strong and healthy!
3. for Jackson to do well for his O levels too and stay happy and healthy for the year 2011! ;p
4. for everyone to have a great 2011! *CHEERS!!*:D
5. to really be able to find out what i want to do in life(:

JIAYOUJIAYOU!!^^
-short post-

aku tak mau berbohong padamu, tapi aku juga tak mau menyakitimu.. apa yang harus aku lakukan?

2011-01-28T05:07:00.000-08:00

SUPER DUPER DUPER SUPER BUZZZZYYYYYYY (x10) :/
1week can really die man.
day in day out i would hear Shihui saying "Life Shucks" or "we are all no life kias!"
so true.. O lvl is turning all of us into STUDY ZOOMBIIEZZ -,-,
so having cca may be a good thing(: but training is tedious due to SYF *SIGH*
haiya! for us now, 2011=no rest/slack year! x.x
by right, should even be here typing and looking at the screen.. should be infront of my desk with my TONS OF HOMEWORK beside me ~.~
but my body and brain are reluctant to do so xP

This week was Common Test week, filled with test.test. and test. T.T
i think i didnt do so well for it :/ and my amaths test is a comfirmed goner)):
but im kinda glad that its finally over(:

somehow, im starting to like Ms Sin PS alot^^ (so random~)HAHA!

kkk, till next time! ;D

2011-01-17T06:19:00.000-08:00

ORH-LLO PEEPS!^^
finally get to blog again! hehe xP
its been a SUPER DUPER busy week for me *STRESS*
alot of homework, assignments, programmes, meetings, new arrangements, etc etc.
only today, i get to finally slack off abit xP
went to the Singapore Museum today to check out on this exhibit called Pompeii (:
it was quite okay laa xP
this few days has been pretty smooth for me other than the piles of work that has to be completed which ive come to manage, i hope it continues like that~ and i hope i can make a tremendous improvement by Mid Year^^
GAMBATEH!!!!

listening to Falling Stars by David Archuleta (L)(L)(L)
loving it ttm!^^
Parachutes and Airplanes by David Archuleta is also super nice!^^
it kinda lift me up when im feeling down(:
especially the chorus~
{what do you say,
when you cant come down,
when you feel like you're 10feet off the ground.
what do you do when you're on the edge,
you're here and you got me thinking 'bout, parachutes and airplanes~}
ah~ so nice~ ;D
i likey likey(L)

you know, when i see you.. i want to run away, i want to shut my eye, i want to become deaf and mute at your presence, i want to scream, i want to vent my anger on you and hope that you would just vanish. but at the same time, when i see you, i want to cry, i want to talk to you, i want to go back to how we were before, i want to laugh with you, i want to look up to you, i want to boost about you, i want to be proud that you are my father..
i want to tell you so much, but also dun wish to even see you at all..
honestly, i would rather you scold me till my eyes go swollen and red.. than feel or be like this.
to cry, to scream, to kick a fuss, to just simply shuddap, or to just ignore doesnt seem right in any way..
tell me, what am i suppose to do now? :/

2011-01-12T05:47:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 5TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!! :DDD
5months le~ gosh, still find it rather hard to believe that today is 12.01.2011 xP
and still, I LOVE HIM MORE THAN EVER(L) in my eyes, he is really awesome~
i realise something within all this 5mths. He is a Magician. not the magician that pulls a bunny out of the hat kind of magician, definitely no xD
Magician, as in, if he says that the sky would turn green and the grass would turn blue.. it happens. (im just giving a description. logically speaking, its not like that laa xP)
And he can make me feel that everything is totally fine even when my neck is already on the line or im being drowned to death in some deep sea water~
is this all suppose to be part of the package?, cause im loving it. HAHA xD!

ah. okay. back to square one.
I HAVENT UPDATED THIS BLOG IN WEEKS!)x
my poor blog, feeling so neglected and lonely.. *sniff*

Ever since school started, there is alot of things to be settled and done.
Super busy, and was always dead tired after all that was done x.x
even now i think im gonna end up slamming my head ontop the keyboard and drift to dreamland xD
alot of homework to complete, revision to do, test to study for, and afew little other things to complete..
SUPER SLEEPY~ SUPER TIRED~~

so, are you touched that im here updating you?^^ *pat lappy*
shit, im becoming zi-bi like Ffion-,- cannot.cannot.

*YAWN* my mind just switched off on me. whatever that i wanted to type just flew out the window~
I guess i'll just update about it some other day.
shall stop here for today(: BYEE! ;D

i love you, Jackson

2010-12-25T06:08:00.000-08:00

HELLO BLOG!!!
aku balek rumah le! xP

&&

MERRRRYYYY CHRISTMAAASSSSS!!!!!!

wah seh.. so much to say but dunno where to start xP

came back from Batam yesterday evening, but suppose to be back 2 day before~
kena bitten by alot of mosquitoes there, 22mosquito bites!!O.O
MY GOSH!!!
okok, i shall write in the sequence of days ba.

1st day:
me and my mother fell sick x.x
my mother got cough and headache, while i got headache and high fever.

2nd day:
it got worse, and becoz the house had no windows and i had so many younger cousins.. the sound is SUPER LOUD!
and the water there are all cold~ x.x
plus the house is super cramp even though its 4storey high.
felt miserable for the first few days and was dying to go home..

On the 3rd day,
my mother was better but i wasnt recovering.
then everyone wanted to go to Nongsa, which is a beach very far away.
on the way there, my father drove super fasts (as usual)
and i wanted to vomit very badly, my head was hurting like crazy
then my father, kept having to stop at the roadside or else the car would get very messy and smelly~ :Z
got to the beach, and vomited as well.. but it got better after awhile.
we sat on a sanpan to the opposite island.
its called Putri Pulau (Princess Island)
hahaha, not sure why they name it that..
collected alot of very pretty seashells and took quite afew pics (:
then later towards the night..
My father kept drinking and drinking beer and wine since the time we got there..
he finished 6cans of heinekens and 1 glass bottle of wine on his own.
told him to stop, he never listens.
he even insisted on driving us home.
was super pissed at him, and my mother even encouraged him to drink and drive.
wanted to scream at him at that time, but felt very weak at that point of time.
in the end he drove us home and his speed was over a 100.
by the time we reached home, he came out of the car and anyhow punched a person he see.
a security guard came to stop him, and my father punched him too, so they both starting fighting
i quickly brought my sisters and younger cousins upstair while my mother just stand at one corner watching.
couldnt bring myself to watch, so i stayed in the hse.

4th day:
my headache was gone, but my fever persist..
my father was suppose to bring us out, but ended up staying in his office while i follow my aunt.
stay with my cousin and played with them.
ignored him the whole day..
and by night, started quarrelling with my parents.

5th day:
same thing~

6th day:
i was suppose to go home, but then my mother said that my father wanted us to stay for one more day coz he got so caught up with work, only today he was free.

father: Sunicia, what is so important that you must go back today?

Me: .. got school tomorrow.

father: so you would rather prefer going to school then being with your family is that it?
Me: ...

father: i guess that's it laa, your stupid school is more precious than your family.

Me: if you think that im that person than go on thinking that way.. anyways no matter what i say wouldnt change a thing.. be this, be it trying to stop you from drinking.*walk away*

mother: do you know how much your father wishes for you to stay? do you know how much he wants to talk to you? do you know how much he wishes to go out as a family?
hearing that his bound to be utterly disappointed.

Me: Do you realise how many chances i gave him? i specifically told him i WANT TO COME BACK ON THE 6th DAY. and its not like i didnt give him a chance, i gave him 6days to talk to me, 6days to have whatever family outing he wants, 6 freaking days!! which is 6x24 hrs.. and what happens? i came here to see him beat people? get me killed in a car? to watch him get drunk? to have to stand here and quarrel with him??
he is utterly disappointed? then how do i feel?

mother: its just one day..

Me: i have put up with this for 6days.. and it feels like hell in here. and i now im being blamed for not placing family first place. and you are telling me its just 1 more day..

and it went on and on, but in the end i still gave in..
and stayed one more day.

7th day:
wanted to go home alrdy.. but my father said he wanted to go back with us, but he could only go back tomorrow.
i was about to burst.. and ended up screaming.
so unwillingly stayed one more day there..

8th day:
finally get to go home.
but got stuck on immigration and dk what happened to the boat, it stopped half way o:
there was alot of delay~
so when we got back to Singapore, went back home to put down all the luggage and went straight to my aunty hse to celebrate x'mas(:
played with my cousin and had quite alot of fun there^^
played till 10.30pm before going home
HOME.SWEET.HOME. xP

later things was cleared between my parents and me.. and everything was okay at last~

went to cut my hair today, i look like one of those egyptian woman xD
so funny-looking! HAHAHA!!

k, shall stop here~ BYE! :D

2010-12-13T23:47:00.000-08:00

13.12.2010 WAS SUPERBLY-AWESOME!!!^^

went to watch Rapunzel at The Cathay with Jackson :DD
the movie was super nice!!!
very funny lorr, laughed like mad in the cinema xDD
then towards the ending, it was very sadd~
can hear alot of ppl sniff behind us at the part, but then suddenly this child cried very loudly.
and went WWAAAAAAHHH~~!!! then the whole cinema started laughing loudly(so ironic.) xP
the child so cute lorr~

After the show we wanted to go ION awhile, but donno what happen to the MRT train.. took very long to come, then alot of ppl x.x waited for 3trains and still couldnt manage to get on any.
hahah!
went to ION for awhile, before going home~
really one very awesome dayy!^^

yesterday night, i read a chinese book. called {the smiling fish} (:
in chinese its called, wei xiao de xiao yu.
its a story about a small fish with shiny silver scales in a pet, and would always smile at this man whenever it sees him.
everytime, the man would see this fish smiling at him.. no matter rain or shine, the fish would always smile.
so this man was determine to buy the fish home.
he brought it home, and cared for it.. and as the days past, he found himself loving this fish alot.
He would watched tv with it, eat with it, bathe with it.. and even sleep with it (like near its fish bowl, and not really sleep with it).
and every night before he sleeps, he would kiss his fish goodnight before he sleeps.
one night, he had a nightmare. he dreamt that he could swim with his fish in the water freely.. but he was not free, he was bounded by the fish bowl.. and it felt terrible.. and he felt like he was being chained up and bounded, and he was no longer free.. just like his fish.
he woke up from the nightmare and realise that just becoz he loved the fish so much, he took away the fish's freedom.. but no matter what, the fish just continued to smile at him.
And so he brought the fish to the ocean and let it free. The fish smiled at him, and smile a very bright smile.
But every now and then, the man would still visit the fish every night to kiss it goodnight(:
i read this to my sister, and she cried like crazy.. and asked me why does the man have to let go of the fish? i tried to explain, but found it very difficult.. and she just continued crying, as i tried to console her somehow, it felt like someone had just crushed up my heart like a piece of paper and made me wondered, how did she see this story that made her cry so hard :/
hmmm~

anyways, heard this song sang by Charice called Grown-Up Christmas List^^
its veryveryvery nice :D
got kind of addicted to it xP
go youtube and listen, its really worth listening!

whenever, you ask me: do you need my umbrella? i feel all warm inside~ and that moment feels all so familiar all over again. im going crazy arent i?(:

i heard it, all so loud and clear♥

2010-12-12T05:37:00.000-08:00

12 . 12 . 2010

HAPPY 4TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY JACKSONN!!! (L)
didnt expect 4 months to come so quickly:P
but even so, with each second that has past, i found myself loving you more and more(:

&&
HAPPY BIRTHDAY IRIS AND AH QIAN!!! :DD
may good health and happiness be with you always~
JIAYOU FOR THE YEAR AHEAD!! ;)

LOVE ALL OF YOU TRUCKLOADS!!!^^

went WWW with my family today.
was rather fun, but very tiring~
turned into a lobster xD
feeling extremely warm and uncomfortable now
i think im gonna get sunburn very soon)x
(nnnnnnooooooooooo!!!)

kk, short post. BYE! ;D

2010-12-10T06:50:00.001-08:00

this drama is very nice ^
currently watching it(: but its veryvery sadd~

today:
finished learning the WHOLE POA BOOK,
WOOOOTTTZZ!!!! :DDD
feel so good!^^ all those hard work finally paid off!^^
last day of POA next Monday, YES AAAAAAHHH!!!!^^
feel so good~~~ after feeling so awful for the whole day><><
then used some machine thing that is super hot and rubbed and pressed it against my back, so painful i nearly cried.
then, she even had to press and press and sort of sit on my backk while twisting it and will only let go until she hears a crack.
WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! pain dddaaaaaaaaoooooooooo T.T
until today my back still hurts, and at night very hard to sleep..
plus my sister keep kicking me off the bed x.x
hhhaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiissssssssssshhhhhhhhhh~~

I WANT TO WATCH RAPUNZEL!!! saw the trailer and found it very funny(:
heard from my sister that its nice too^^

you know what? you ARE right.. i DUN GET YOU, and i guess i never did.

2010-12-07T06:45:00.000-08:00

YESTERDAY WAS SUPER FUN!!!!
went out with Jackson(:
so fun^^
went to buy C_'s & I_'s present (sshhhhh.. :x)
then went to buy afew choir materials aswell.
went to Bugis at first, walked around and couldnt find anything nice there.
so we trained down to City Hall. walked from city link to Marina Square to City Link to Raffles Place.
Along the way, saw HMV and got what we needed there(:
then after that walked round and round and round~
then went to ION orchard and walked round and round and round somemore~ xP
the funniest thing is idk how we find rolling dice on my phone so entertaining xDD!
then we had a very funny conversation while walking at ION xP
Jackson: eh, do you know what is a misseltoe?
Me: Yeap
Jackson: you know?o:
Me: eh wait, i dun think so~ whats that?
Jackson: oh, then nvm.
Me: nonono, tell me!!
Jackson: we dun have it here in Singapore.
Me: *thinking* ooohh~ is it like a missile canon or something?
Jackson: uuhh.. huh?o.o nonono, its not a missile, its a christmas decoration!
Me: oh.. eh wait, HUH?? christmas decoration??? *pause*
Both: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! xDD

LOL! xP so paiseh xP
hahaha! xD
after that around 5pm, when we walked back to the MRT station, I LOST MY EZ-LINK CARD!! DDD:
but luckily we manage to find it backk *phew*
haha, veryvery heng~~
then went back to AMK and i went to school, while he went home(:
then in school, HAISH.. suan le~
nvm baa(:

its really fun yesterday~^^

Went to school for choir today, as usual(:
had a "surprise" audition, but i manage to pass it~ HENG (once again) :p
alot of things happened aswell, but it all turned out smoothly~
even better than i had expected^^

k, really cannot tahan liao.
yawning for the 1001th time alrdy xP
GOODNIGHT PEOPLE!! :D

2010-12-05T06:37:00.000-08:00

no point apologising, no point comforting, no point doing anything!
i really want to kill myself for the hurting you and yet not knowing and being so nonchalant about everything..
im so sorry. im stupid.. to be able to do nothing but apologise time and again to you.
but i really have no say.. for the hurt i caused you, for the pain i made you go through..
im really stupid. idiot.
i want to ease your pain, yet im in no position.
i am sincerely sorry, but whats the use?
seriously, what is there in me that is so memorable? FORGET ME!!
im not worth anything at all, i really useless.
i cant do anything right.
im complicated. useless. worthless. pitiful. bloody idiot.

you suffered in silent, while i was so nonchalant.
i was so selfish, but you were so forgiving.
you never breath a word of complain, and all i was capable of was doubting you.

You were so genuine and giving, but i was too stupid to even realise that until now.
After causing you so much, only now that i realise.. how much you had done for me..
and i never once was thankful, you never once asked for anything more.
you gave, i did not cherish.

Im such a stupid and evil person arent i?

but after so much, i am still unable to give what you want..
still unable to return the favour.. still stuck here. leaving you stuck too.
and once again, all i can do.. is sincerely whisper, im sorry.
I am really sorry.

2010-12-05T05:35:00.000-08:00

woah. my week has been very pack!
alot to organise and thing and yet like dunno where to start. SUPER LUAN NOW Dx

4/12/2010 :
woke up early in the morning to go to kovan for tuition.
morning was super hectic as my father insisted on bringing me to tuition and in the end he forgot and woke up late, and despite so.. still insisted on bringing me. LOL
Later my tuition ended at 12.15pm and my CIP starts at 12.30pm x.x
chiong to school in cab.
then in the cab, something very funny happened. xP
I wanted to go to school yet i forgot the address and what avenue was it on, the taxi uncle was also unsure.

Me: Uncle, i think my school is on ang mo kio avenue 8 leh.
Uncle: Avenue 8? oh, okok.. wait, where is avenue 8?
Me: o.o... eeerrr... uncle, you know where is Mayflower Primary?
Uncle: No.
Me: Er, Anderson JC?
Uncle: *shake head*
Me: huh~ er.. err.. Yio Chu Kang MRT??
Uncle: eeerrr... sorry ah, uncle not sure.
Me: o.o huh~~
Uncle: uuuhh..girl arh, you know how to read street directory?? Uncle got street directory but dunno how to use.
Me: arh?? oh, ya i know how to use.
Uncle: REALLY EEEHH??! then you find and show me
Me: *sia dao* orh, okok xD

HAHAHA!! the street directory saved me^^
I reached school in time too(:
did CIP till about 6pm liddat and went home.
Body everywhere aching like mad>< then on my way home that time, got accident, so cannot sit bus, (SUAY MAN x.x) so had to walk home.
Reached home feeling so tired~
Later at night, was too lazy to move from my sofa to my bed room, so ended up sleeping on the sofa till the next morning xDD

5/12/2010 :
went to celebrate eunos ammah's birthday at Holiday Inn today(:
ate lunch there and went to NEX shopping centre at Serangoon afterwards.
Was made to squeeze with Jer and Jon in the car seat behind.. super frustrated.
Then later reach the shopping mall must squeeze somemore! damn pack!
can die there x.x
later when we finally got out of the crowd, took circle line to Stadium and walk around there till 8+ and came home~
tired. tired. tired.

actually, idk why im blogging today. LOL!
sot liao.. BYEEE

2010-12-01T06:52:00.000-08:00

after so long.. I FINALLY GET TO DO MY CIP!!^^
did CIP today, sorting out of used textbook.
it was fun!! ..as usual, as i do it annually(: but this year, was one of the best!!!
get to do it with choir members and Jackson :D
last few years, i remember coming for every single session, alone.
it was fun laa, sorting out the books.. but it was rather lonely lorr
met new friends though.. but wasnt as awesome as it was like today^^

Had my POA tuition again today(:
alot to memorise and cover x.x
Bad debts, provision for doubtful debts and Control Account are killing me.. ESPECIALLY CONTROL ACCOUNT. seriously.
i almost died learning it :/
but i manage to conquer it, YES AAAHHHHH!!!^^

having choir tmr, doing up the notice board with Charmaine, Clarissa and Jessica. cool(:
have to wake up early in the morning tmr though.. tired~
Byeee

FIRSTLY, WHO ARE YOU TO ME?
ITS OBVIOUSLY, MY LIFE, MY CHOICE.. but why do i still feel so wrong in my heart?
{its me i see in the mirror, and yet.. it isnt the real me}

2010-11-28T04:57:00.000-08:00

28.11.2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACKSON!!! :DD

haha^^ today is the best day of my entire life!!!^^
i want to rewind time! i want to replay that moment again & again!! :p
went to his house today to celebrate his birthday^^
was super nervous! super super nervous!
but his family are all very nice^^ and so i didnt feel so nervous after that^^
mostly, also because he was always there :DD
the rest of the details, really alot to say~ HAHA
ITS JUST SUPER DUPER UBER UNDISCRIBABLY AWESOME TODAY!!
will NEVER-EVER-EVER forget this day~

{i want to cherish forever..}

2010-11-25T07:29:00.000-08:00

HELLO.OH.OH.OH.
i think i havent blogged for quite awhile alrdy~
therefore, here i am^^

Ah yes, i must first announced that i have FOUND A POA TUTOR!!! *applause* :D
yes, finally, i found a FEMALE tutor.
very happy, thanks to my mum (:
but the downside of it is that.. she is coming every single night! for 2hrs!
and she is very scary x.x she expects alot from me.. and she does not like it when i answer her question wrongly or too slowly)x
veryveryvery scary..
but she has taught me for 4days alrdy, and im still alive~ so, i hope i'll be fine.
another 3more weeks to bear *gulp*

OKAY! went to school today for choir. 10am to 4pm(:
it was fun!^^ reallyreally!
i love our set piece for SYF!!!(L)
its damn beautiful and i cant get the song out of my head xP
although i spent 6hrs in choir, it didnt feel long at all
and somehow i find myself looking forward to the next practice to finish learning the set piece^^
later at around 4pm, we were released and it was raining heavily.. luckily i brought my jacket as i usually dun carry an umbrella with me :p
The weather was super cold.. until now i still feel cold~~
ohya! saw him today in school. he was doing CIP today with his cca^^

I WANT TO DO CIP!!! )x
haish.. but my mother dun let me do T^T
somemore purposely occupy everytime i have to prevent me from doing any CIP :/
i want to doOoOoOoOoOooooo~!! RAWRRR!!Dx

aiyooo~ recently, i have alot of things to complete sia..
-Humanities project
-Elearning
-POA
-Amaths
-Emaths
-get shoes (all my shoes tore, saddened.. T.T)
-that THING (LOL, dun think sick hor!)
-re-consider dropping out of SYF

hhmmmm... i remember i have more, just cant remember what.. :/
aiyoo~ wo lao le, senile man.
nvm, i shall slowly think~

Honestly, i dun really anything to blog about lor.. just blogging for the sake of blogging. xD
coz it feels rather weird not blogging somehow, i think ive gotten too used to it alrdy.
and also becoz of other ppl asking me to update.. glad that ppl do bother to read my blog, haha!
but even if they dun its ok also, my purpose was just to type and let whatever that flows in my mind flow here~ (:
so, i ended up typing out alot of nonsense and irrelevant things xP
but blogging makes me happy laa^^
hahaha!
k, shall end here. BYEBYE!

i miss you

2010-11-22T06:31:00.000-08:00

watch Harry Potter 7 - Deathly Hallows today with Jackson, Iris, Christine, Kinhan, Regan, Elizabeth and Michelle^^
IT WAS AWESOME!!! :DDDD
just that it was rather long-winded. HAHA.
i wanna watch part 2!!!

aiyooo~ my mother told me my tutor was coming tmr, in the end.. she came today.
i was damn shock laa. So i had to do alot of last minute rush~ plus i was damn tired.. x.x
She came in and taught me for 2hrs.. felt so giddy there as she tried to cramp 9chapters into 2hrs.
Arrange for her to come every night from 8pm-10pm to teach.
Then arranged with my Amaths tutor 10am - 4pm on mondays, wednesdays and fridays.
I think im really torturing myself very well for this holiday.
SIGH.
SUNICIA JIAYOU JIAYOU!!!!:)

2010-11-21T06:39:00.000-08:00

WENT OUT WITH SHIHUI TODAY!! :DD

went to Far East Plaza and Cineleisure^^
laughed alot^^ she spent most of the time jacking me while i spent most of the time being lame xD
she cannot tahan my lame-ness that she wanted to box me to death. LMAO!
met her at 10am at tpy mrt station. And as usual, she is late. (JACK BACKK!)
then we trained down to Orchard, it was damn pack in the mrt, squeeze like mad xP
then we walked down from the MRT to Far East Plaza. Ate our breakfast at Ya Kun Toast there.
Super nice!^^ havent ate there for very long ler(:
After that we walked around Far East looking at boutique stores~
came across this small store taken by this auntie who is 60+ (she told us.)
then we ended up talking to her as she go on talking about many things and persuading shihui to buy this long dress xD
i ended buying a shirt there^^
then after that we walked to Cineleisure(: we over-shoted to Orchard Central.. i wonder is because of WHO AR? ;p
btw, i have never been to Cineleisure. DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT SUCH PLACE EXISTED!!!o:
but anws, that place was AWESOME *thumbs up*
very nice, and there was an old antique shop there which i LOVED alot (L)!
then later we walked back to Far East to buy Shihui's Belt and walked back to ION Orchard.
i went to {prologue} to get *something* before train-ing home.
it was a SUPER FUN day out despite all the walking and the horrible weather(:

Going to watch HARRY POTTER tmr!!^^
VERY HAPPY~~!!!!;DD but after this must start working very hard liao *SIGH*
nvm, work hard for a good cause, obtain good results and enjoy~ nicee~ :D
but for now, i shall enjoy myself. *laugh like a teochew fishball* xDD
ok, im starting to become LAME again-,-
k laa, shall update more tmr~
BYEEEEE :DDD

2010-11-19T04:34:00.000-08:00

FINALLY! today is the last day of bridging. YES AAAHHH!!!^^
hahaha

Bridging was pretty okay laa(: lessons are all two hours, but somehow, it felt shorter than the normal 55mins school hour that i take on normal school days o:
was suppose to have my Amaths extra lesson today.. but Mr Phua fell sick and therefore, it was cancelled. qi ji wor.

Yesterday, 18/11/2010
sent Jennifer off at the airport.
went there straight from school.. right after my cca.
It was super FUN! we like a bunch of siao zha bor there, HAHAH!xD alot of things happen.. that whole time from 7pm-10pm was filled with nothing but laughter!^^ it super tiring.. and till the end, it was rather sad laa.. but it was still worth it. be it wheather it made me super tired today, or the trip to the Changi Airport and back was long.. it was really worth it(:
i would also cherish every moment and every second spent..
would really like to share how i felt and all here.. but if i were to do that.. i think i will never finish within 3days. HAHA! really too much to explain and describe. i think ffion would be uploading
Will Miss Her Very Much!
left the place at 10pm, reached home at 11.30pm. tired ttm.

I VERY DESPO NOW, SAVE MEEE!!!! CANT FIND A POA PRIVATE TUTOR!!!Dx
please laa, stop hiding from me. Come out, come out, whereever you are~~! xDD
siao liao, find until siao liao..

GAMBATEH FOR TOMORROW'S COMPETITION JACKSON!! JIAYOU JIAYOU!!!^^

accomplished.

2010-11-15T04:47:00.000-08:00

Sprained my finger while playing volleyball with Kelly and Ffion today T.T
damn pain! )x
at first i did not realise or just didnt bother.. and then the pain continued to worsen after while.
went to see the doctor and got painkiller.. but the painkiller doesnt seem to be working though :/

Had Emath and Chinese bridging today^^
Emaths was fine, i finished all my work again!(:
Then during chinese, my chinese tchr went back to China (WOOHOO! xP) , so got sub. tchr.
then the work that we had to do was the hw given previously which i had finished xD
so spend the whole 2hrs (?) stoning. LOL!

Today was ok la..
the day just seem so different without you around.

short post today(: BYEBYE!^^

2010-11-14T05:15:00.000-08:00

i remember wishing so badly that i would not be in the same class as you..
i remember hoping that you would just leave me alone..
i remember having a really hard time when im with you..
i remember how much i really dislike having you around..
i remember what you cause me..
i remember wanting you to dissapear so badly..

but now that its granted, why do i feel so terrible? why are these reasons uneffective all of a sudden? why do i find myself missing you so much?
JENNIFER LEE JI YUEN!!! why?
just when everything was okay between me and you, you had to leave.. and so soon?!
i cant believe this.. i really cant believe this... i am actually missing you..

you are so cruel. really. making everything a 'surprise'.
i really cant imagine sitting in the morning or in class without you.
Without you to slap me awake everytime.
Without you to get me so worked up at times.
Without you to make me laugh with your silly character of yours.
Without you to drag me across the hallway.
Without you to scold me in some korean language which i would NEVER understand.
Without you to vandalise my hand everytime you sit near me.
Without you to whack me hardly in the back whenever you are embarass by something some said.
Without you...

I regret not cherishing.. the 3years being in the same class as you.
But whatever im regretting now is all too late.. I know technology is all very grand now.. but it just isnt the same anymore.
seems like i would just have to cherish whatever is left for me..

JENNIFER LEE JI YUEN!!! you CHICKEN!!!! xP
(i hope she doesnt read this xD)

k la, shall post till here for today!^^
byeeeee :D

2010-11-12T03:56:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 3rd MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!! :DD

i love you Jackson!(L)
you are the sweetest thing in this universe that i could ever wish for!
I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOUUUU!!^^

today, 3E2 and 3E1 had a field trip to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve, i thought i was gonna really hate and regret this trip.. and really did not look forward to coming at all.
Reach there and got totally paranoid about seeing a butterfly *goosebumps*
Lucky only saw afew.. *phew*
Our aim of this trip was to test the difference of temperature and humidity there compared to the natural environment.. but we got 'lucky', by the time we reached the nature reserve, our data logger went flat.. so we just go look-see. LOL. xD
the trip was.. LONG, really SUPER LONG.
its like climbing up a steep mountain and down again and up again and down again and up AGAIN!
wwwaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh~ plus the road uh.. is super rocky and unstable and dangerous and worse of all, its made up of many steep stairs x.x
i climb until i want to faint uh. hahaha xP
along the way, came across a green snake with black spots! COOOOOOLL!^^
took many pictures along the way too :)
the best thing is that i get to be with him^^

during the trip, there came to a point where i was climbing up the steep stairs.. and suddenly i missed him alot and was really hoping to see him.. but then i tot to myself that i was impossible cause he would be way infront and might have reached the peak already which idk when i would ever get to.. but suddenly i saw him standing at the top. at first i tot i was dreaming.. then i realised it was really him, i felt sooooooo happy!!! and we walked all the way back together, wheeeee~! xD haha!
i bet ppl reading this must be thinking that im nuts :P

this isnt the first time, i realise everytime i needed him most.. he would suddenly appear~
thats one of the reasons why he is so awesome!^^

choir yesterday was NICE!
the choir sounded so in tune somehow, and the collision of different notes and tone and amount of loudness used felt like it was in perfect unison~
sounded so beautiful~ please the vibration of the piano on the floor could be felt through my bare foot and it felt like it was flowing up into my veins, it was damn cool!^^

anws, in the end, i ended up enjoying the field trip to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve very much!^^

2010-11-10T04:19:00.000-08:00

Thing seems to be much better than before, thats goOoOod!^^
today during humanities, Ms Doreen Ng was super funny, she said :" if we found of any unpleasant comments, we can track you down, and you will DIE!" and emphasized on the DIE very well xDD! HAHAHA
but i think no matter what we are still going to DIE, humanities got such a big project to complete)x STRESS!

tomorrow's bridging : Mother Tongue, Maths
and CCA! nnnooooooooooooooo~ Ox
i have chinese hw to complete AGAIN. and my hw is to write down whatever she told me just now... but then i couldnt even catch a word she said! I think i have been staring at the blank paper for quite awhile alrdy.. LOL!

currently, IM HUNTING FOR A POA PRIVATE TUTOR!!! but i really dk where to go and find T.T
does anyone know where i could find one?? seriously. i really need to build my POA foundation before school reopens..
whatever that was learnt for the past 11months all cramped into 3/2 month. x.x
so if you know of any, PLEASE TELL MEEEEE!!!!! thankiuuvelimuachhiiee^^

im really VERY happy, but yet i dun feel prepared.. i also dun want to place too much hope. Im feeling extremely happy, but yet im not proud of it.. cause i feel that its a miracle that i should cherish and not boost about, especially to other who may not share the same feeling as i do.. so seriously, whoever you are, can you please stop spreading? i really dun like watching someone feel down because of some miracle that happened for me. I know, you know is enough to satisfy everything else(: So, if you are reading this.. i hope you get what i mean and stop spreading please.

trust.. takes years and years to build, but a second to destroy.

2010-11-08T04:06:00.000-08:00

came back from indonesia yesterday.
going there wasnt as bad as i had expected(:
it was quite alright actually.. got to see my cousins, 7 of them.. all below 10years old. HAHA! imagine im the only giant there xD
but they are all super cute la! just sometimes very disturbing xD
i go where ever, they will follow.. imagine all 7 of them, HAHAHA!
but they are all really very adorable^^ eee! so cute^^

ate alot there too. HAHA! i think i gained 4kg after these 3days~ but the food there is really IRRESISTABLE!! need to go and exercise le xD

Got to see many things there too! we went to this small river, and the two banks of the river is connected by one thick rope.. and its really just ONE THICK ROPE. i crossed and the rope was super loose.. so by the time i reached the middle of it, i felt super dizzy.. and ended up going back. Legs felt very wobbly and numb. HAHA!
Then i also got to go up some mountain. The view there is AWESOME!!^^ very beautiful~ but the road is very steep and dangerous.
I also went to some kampong that is on the sea. Alot of stray animals and sea creatures there. Although the kampong there is really old and well.. dirty.. i still think it very beautiful lor^^
over there, i saw lot of stray dogs. i want to care for it so much lor, they all are so skinny :/

going to batam was really ok la, its just that i dun like my father driving.. he think he filming for tokyo drift-,-
sitting in his car, you are practically flying~ and every now and then, i would be screaming, " AAAAAHHHH!!" or "SSSLLLLLOOOOOWWWWW!!! .. down" or "OH MY TIAN!!"
im just really glad that im back here in one piece :X

came back quite late last night.. only got to sleep at 1am last night and had bridging today. Had some english workshop early in the morning which was rather boring and physic after that. Felt so sleepy throughout the day~ Tomorrow, i have 2period of Chinese, 2period of that English workshop and Choir.
SIGH.

to do or not to do, just isnt the question. let go and leave it to 'his' decision.

2010-11-04T06:58:00.000-07:00

i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i love you.

i have like, so many things to post here at first.. but now, everything seem to have flew out the window :/
and i have been stuck at the semi-empty post for almost half an hour.. LOL!

Going to indonesia tmr, i have a feeling that im so not going to enjoy this.. in fact, i would regret this very much!><
aaaaaahhh.... today isnt a good day :/ must be the weather! ... i realise im always blaming the wheather whenever my the day didnt work out well. HAHAHA!
aiya.. you see lah! im not even there yet and im alrdy bored.. so bored that im even talking to myself on when im suppose to blog about something that i still cannot remember since 45mins ago x.x great. stm to the max. at the age of 15. YAY!! break record!!! xD
ok, im seriously freaking myself out with all this talking to myself :x

honestly, im a terrible consoler.. i know that, just didnt want to accept the fact xP LOL!
i even suck at consoling myself most of the time. xD and why am i suddenly saying this? i also have no idea.. HAHA!

IM SO SLEEPY! but yet i cant sleep-,- GREAT. thats just great.

i still cant believe that i actually agreed to go in with my parents to indonesia while my sister stays here.. seriously. whats up with me.

ZZZ, an 1hour has passed and I STILL CANT REMEMBER WHAT I WANTED TO BLOG ABOUT! ah forget it. i no mood to blog anymore either.. stopping here. BYE!

today : moodswing ttm. ( i bet you can see after reading my blog :p)

i created it. i destroyed it. i regret it.

2010-11-01T04:56:00.000-07:00

Our Life is like a thin strand of thread. And the blanket weavened out by that single thread is like our lifestory.. Each of us, have a different story to tell.. like a the weavened blanket made of different shape, size, colour and pattern which represents the things that have happened in our lives.

Along the way, our thread would get messed up or tangled up at some point of time.. like the problems we may face in our journey.. but no matter where or what, there will always be something left at the other end, it just depends on how we choose to deal with the situation. Wheather we choose to leave the tangled thread and hide from it.. leaving our story unfinish and many things undone.. or wheather we just cut short our thread and forget about completing our story.. or do we take chances, and find a way to untangle the thread even though we may know that it may end us up in a more tangled situation.. In life, there would be many of these "tangles" that we may face in future.. it may be still far in the future, it may happen in the next second.. who knows?

The thread that was given to us.. may be just a tiny thread.. but it can turn out to be something great over time.. like the blanket. The blanket started off as just a single tiny thread.. and this thread met with many experiences.. many stumbles and tangles.. before becoming a beautifully weavened and warm blanket.

Today, i sat in 13.. and for the very first time, the bus was empty and yet.. the journey felt very long~ and suddenly this story that i just said came into my mind as i sat in the bus with my mp3 on as usual(: idk why im posting this.. but somehow.. this story that i anyhow thought of on my own.. kinda gave me strength to smile again, as i kinda had a rough day today.. but this wasnt the full reason that made me felt okay again, there are still people who made me feel alot better.. although there is still this lingering uneasy and upset feeling in my heart, but i dun feel it as much as just now.(:
You know, its really nice to know that whenever you are feeling lost or upset or down.. there is always people you can turn to, there is always someone around with you..
I want to thank Jackson, Ffion, Valerie, Shihui, Iris, Christine and Regan for cheering me up today(:
I also want to thank Jackson, Ffion, Shihui (again) for being there for me everytime^^ i cant imagine living in a world without you guys xP
THANKYOU!! ;D
LOVE YOU GUYS!!(L)

2010-10-28T08:25:00.000-07:00

went around almost the whole of Singapore today^^
haha!
although it was rather frustrating at first.. but come to think of it now, its pretty awesome :P

went to MGS 9am in the morning today which is all the way in Clementi.
then took the wrong route, and ended up having to walk quite a distance before i found myself a bus stop.. didnt know about any buses there so i just took a random bus which went all the way to Bukit Batok. during the bus ride, it brought me through some ulu road that was made up of tall trees, bushes.. and even more tall trees. scary.xD

then after i reached bukit timah int. i couldnt find the mrt which was just beside me-,- LOL!
took a train.. suppose to be heading towards Pasir Ris to meet Shi Hui, Liyana, Dafinah and Edwyn.. end up taking the train that was heading towards the opposite direction.
so i ended up in Choa Chu Kang. So i trained back down to Jurong East and switched to the green line. and once again, i ended up sitting in the wrong train AGAIN! -,- pro right?
so i dropped at Chinese Garden and trained down all the way to Pasir Ris.. can die man, 25stops!! x.x plus no seats.. imagine standing all the way through the 25stops )x
wwwaaahhh... killing me and my feet.
after reaching, took another bus down to downtown east and met up with them. found the malt candy and went to ntuc to buy popsicles. I bought sushi as i was damn hungry, didnt eat a thing since morning xP
at ntuc, the popsicle stock was limited and we didnt have enough, so trained down tgt to Changi Airport T3. (:
it was nice there, bought our stuff and me shihui and liyana bought shirts^^
after that we lazed and slacked at Ya Kun Kaya for quite awhile before continueing our journey. took many photos at T3 (: we like tourist like that xD

went to Orchard after that as Liyana and Dafinah has to pray at the mosque.. therefore, me, MSH and ed walked around ION orchard^^
All edwyn could think about was food xD
Later, we found a very nice boutique shop called cache cache. haha! the name so cuuute xD
found myself a very nice and confortable dress and the price was not too bad either^^
pulled shihui to try some clothes too, and liyana and dafinah joined in (:
Later we trained back to tpy and went to SKP to buy finish our stuff for SL this saturday before going home.
it was very long and tiring, but it was fun^^

P.S. Jackson, I Miss You.

2010-10-26T02:27:00.000-07:00

im backkk!!
FINALLY!!!!! its OVER!!!! x.x
well, not really.. just partially.. :/
im left with a Listening Compre to clear tomorrow. and collection of my results *gulp*
PLEASE GOD!!! NI YAO BAO YOU WOOO!!!!!)x
pleasepleaseplease, let me meet my mother's criteria. please dun let my retain :((
today, i had my physics and POA paper.. i hope i did well.
i hope i dun fail my english.. pleasepleaseplease!!!
im feeling super happy and excited and feeling super nervous and hopeful..haish.. this mixed feeling is annoying -,-
RAWRRRR!!!!
today's weather is freaking cold!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im super random. siao le xD

GOODLUCK TO EVERYONE!!! HOPE YOU ALL GET TO ACHIEVE THE ACHIEVEMENT YOU AIM FOR!!!:DD

2010-10-13T07:34:00.000-07:00

i want to cut myself so badly now... and just let all my pain flow out like nobody's business..
i want to scream out my pain to someone so badly, but when i think about it.. i have no one to turn too.. or maybe, i just dunwan to turn to anybody..
im too afraid to face the future.. im dun dare to look back into the past..
so im stuck here, without any form of ground beneath me.. as i am held in the air by a thin rope.. suffocating me and strangling me.. but if i struggle, i would end up falling deep down.. down so deep that i dunno when i would ever come in contact with the ground..

i dun dare to take any chances or any risk...

i want to have my own decision.. and not leave my future for others to decided. its MY LIFE for crying out loud.
and yet, i cant even fight for my own life.. why am i such a bloody coward.
and i will always end up, crying myself a river.. letting my tears fall all over myself..
and each tear that touches my skin.. feels warm.. with sadness, frustration, anger and alittle regret altogether..

subsequently, i will think its all my fault.. and think that i am in the wrong. i have no rights be this way. i just have to accept whatever that comes to me.. and i would continue blaming myself for every single thing.. thinking that im asking for too much.. thinking that i dont deserve anything.. and this vicious cycle never ends.
i hate myself, i hate being who i am. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME!!!
its like freakin bright during the day, yet all i can see is 360degree darkness.
when it comes to the night, i feel even more dark.. empty and alone inside..
i hate this.. this sucks. no, i suck..

i feel rather terrible coming to school.. but i feel even worse going home...
many a time, i had thought of running away.. sometimes even the thought of commiting suicide. :x
but there are still reasons for me to live on in my life.. in this world.. which held me back from doing anything stupid..
but currently.. i feel like running away, where no one can find me.. where no one would be..
just me, myself and i.
and there, i want cry my heart out like its nobody's business. i want to scream my lungs out. i want to run and run and run, without any limits, without a goal or a destination.. and run full speed ahead!
and when the dawn comes breaking in, and i become totally out of breathe.. i just want to fall onto the ground... and gaze and that vast sky.. and just watch the sun set.. as the bright colours on the sky fade away slowly with the sun~ while the stars slowly starts to show itself.. and wink at me every now and then.. as i just lay where i am.. listening to my heartbeat and my faint panting sound that fill the silent around me.. before im brought back to reality..

2010-10-06T05:47:00.000-07:00

falling sick is so not fun ):
its dreadful
wasnt feeling well today, so couldnt go to school. For the first time, i felt terrible about it.
my head was spinning like mad this morning when i tried to wake up to go to school..
i tried to stand and ended up falling on the floor. so i crawled back to bed :/
i was damn worried about the amount of homework that would pile for me.
i also missed him like crazy.. ):
plus the waiting time to see one doctor x.x can die man.
i went to poly clinic and waited one hour to see the receptionist to get my queue number to see the doctor, wait another hour for my turn to see the doctor and another half an hour to get my medicine :/ great. plus the amount of noise there.. my head was about to split!
but atleast, im alright now(:
sooo going back to school tmr~
exams are coming x.x
jiayou people, jiayoujiayou!

i think i wun be blogging anymore until my exams end.. so my blog would be "dead" for the time being.. yup.
pray that i'll do fine, pray that you would do fine too^^

2010-09-24T07:55:00.000-07:00

"when i am alone, i look at my hand and feel sad.. because the spaces between them are where yours fit perfectly." :)

that phrase came from the song Vanilla Twilight - Owl City (:
the song is nice^^
im totally screwed up for today's Science CT. x.x
im feeling super upset about it :( SIGH.
my whole head is filled with the word, 'EOY' and 'STRESS' )x
and there this lingering fear i feel when i hear the word 'RETAIN'
HO-MII-GAAWWDDD!!! 3more weeks! 3more weeks! AAAHHH!!
im really gonna explode soon ):
nonono, cannot. yao leng jing~ *meditate*
i have this sudden craving for anything really sweet recently.. LOL!
aiyo! what is wrong with me xP HAHA!

bus rides have never been so fun and enjoyable in my life(:

2010-09-17T20:38:00.000-07:00

YCKSS 45th ANNIVERSARY IS FINALLY OVER!!!^^
i feel like i can finally BREATHE~~
hahah!
it was held on 2 days, Thursday and Friday.
Thursday was meant for the students, parents and the public.
Everyone went super high on Thursday!^^ it was so fun xD
For the musical, choir sang 3 songs, This Is Not The Place, School Song and Winds of Change^^
it was awessoooommmmmeeee~
actually kinda like the whole thing, just that i dun like putting e make-up, coz it super difficult to wash off. IIIRRRR!! DX
we also sang the same thing for Friday, just that Friday is for the VIPs. (ooohhhss~)
I got to see Pan Ling Ling! xDD! but not really a big fan of her. :x
Also, on Friday before the show, we had a combine with the Band ppl.
okay, its not really a combine, we just had like a get-together session.. and Mr Ng (band instructor) was doing some hypnotising thing again. it was meant to relax our mind. his talk is suppose to make us feel sleepy and tired, and amazingly it really worked! :D
so cool~!^^
He is so sweet, he always waited for me no matter how late it was. There was once, i was so touched that he was still in school waiting when it was alrdy 8+ that i nearly cried :x
wo zhen de hen xin fu^^

I LOVE YOU!!!(L)
I LOVE YCKS' CHOIR!!(L)
I LOVE YCKSS!!!(L)
hheeee :D
(okay, now i feel rather sorry for mr. siva.. :x)
after so much fun, now alot of homework to catch-up with )x
ggaaaaaaaaahhhhhh.. STRESSS~~!!!
okok, must jiayou liao, cannot "preyprey" ah-ni-moooorree. :p

stick sweet!!!(L)(L)(L) ^^

2010-09-12T01:23:00.000-07:00

Went to watch Fried Rice Paradise Yesterday^^

I thought it was gonna be another of those lame-lame and boring musical that i always see, plus performed by singaporeans.. sianzation.(the attitude i had before watching the musical.)

But i was so wrong! in fact, The musical was AWESOME and super hilarious!! honestly, its the first musical that i came to really appreciate and enjoy(:

im glad i was chosen to watch this musical^^

My seat was at the side, but it was pretty close to the stage.. so i could watch it very clearly.

It was very funny, and the actor's vocal was ichiban!

they sang until i got goosebumps all over, so cool!

But come to think of it, all that was seen yesterday, really cannot compare to our school's musical at all. Plus their musical is $55.50

ours totally no quality. :x (no offence)

somemore want to charge ppl at $50, aiyyoooo~

School starting tomorrow alrdy. gonna be really busy for the first week.. x.x aaaaawwwwwwwww... mmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaannn...

there would be 45th training tuesday to friday. THURSDAY AND FRIDAY IS THE ACTUAL DAY!! i hope this 1week pass quickly.. :S

still left with quite afew holiday homework.

my whole mind is filled with EOYEOYEOYEOYEOY now..

very afraid, GGGAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! Dx

i MUST meet the expectation!

shall go back to my work now.. BYE!

2010-09-09T05:50:00.000-07:00

12.08.2010 // 09.09.2010 (L)
went out with Jackson today!^^
met him in the morning and trained to Marina Barrage. luckily i still couldnt remember how to get there xP
walked and showed him around there, was reminded how i celebrated my birthday there(:
after walking there awhile, i got too hot, so we trained down to City Hall.
walked to Marina Square to have our lunch.
its so nice getting to eat with him again^^
then we went to Suntec City and then to Raffles City for a walk~
Today is the best day, and i really hope at that moment time would really just stop there~
haiya, there so much about today, i doubt i would even be able to finish saying how i feel today within 3days :p
all i know is that i want to stay like this forever~
ILY!! (L)(L)(L)
but after so much fun, its time to switch to study mode.
must jiayou for EOY le.. x.x
GAMBATEHH!!! :DD

your AWESOME can never be measureable in my heart.

2010-09-07T07:22:00.000-07:00

HELLO!! ;D
went to meet shihui, liyana and dafinah at city hall to complete our chem and humans project.
As usual, im earliest and shihui is latest. hhahah! shihui, where is my KOI? ;p
today, as i was waiting at city hall mrt, i saw breadtalk and felt hungry. so went there to buy something to eat, then i saw this bread called "cranberry and cheese" and it looked rather appealing. so i tried it. IT WAS SUPER AWESOME!!!(L)
i tasted damn good^^ i want somemore~ :p
later liyana, shihui and me went to the esplanade library, it is so cool there^^
me and shihui then bought mocha and shared it, it was nice too, plus it was my first time drinking it xD
shihui kept pronouncing mocha as "mo-CHA" and not "mo-KAH". LOL!
later dafinah came, and we did abit of research for chem before going for lunch at Mac.
after that we went for a walk at ION orchard.
went to { prologue } , bought afew things^^
Later we trained down to Liyana's house to finish the rest of the chem and humans project.
had fun today^^
took photos too but, somethings wrong with my uploader. SIGH.

you, my colourful windmill~

2010-09-03T04:58:00.000-07:00

i clearly know how true this is.. and im gonna have to face it sooner or later..
but i really dun wish to hear on, i want to run away from reality...
every word i hear, is killing me inside. if i hear anymore, im going to go insane.
the worse thing is i cant do a damn thing!
i really dunwan to hear or see anymore things.. every corner i turn, no matter where..
i hear it, i see it building in my mind.. it shatters my heart into a million pieces.
it really hurts having to face all this shit everyday...
it sux! i hate myself!!
im really on the verge of going mad.. I WANT TO SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT!!!
I WANT TO CRY OUT LOUD!!!! I WANT TO JUST LEAD A NORMAL LIFE!!!

i dun ask for any big house or big flashy cars or thousands of diamonds or even some fanciful Gucci bag.. dun you eff-ing get it, I DUN WANT THEMMMM!!! i just want my normal life back... my fucking teenage life, is that too much to ask of??

im human, im just a simple girl... why must i be caught in this mess?
... please let me go..
let me love, grant me back my smile..
i dunwan to carry a smiling mask everywhere i go anymore..

please, let me go...

all this was posted yesterday, haha.. just didnt post it.
sigh.. after piling my house with so many tissue and flooding my room.
during the process.. i just realise, how very fortunate i am.. (:
even though, i had to go through all this now.. no matter where or when, there would be someone there for me.
and thats how lucky i am. wheather friend or foe, or maybe a stranger.. someone would be there to catch me.
im very grateful.
i know you must be thinking that im mad, really mad.. even after all this.. i still am feeling very grateful.
i think im have gone mad too.. haha.
but no matter how upset, i still must move on..
but no matter where or how far i run or how many times i fall in this process.. someone would be running beside me.
i also came to understand that.. the whole reason why im in this crappy state is because the problem is related to somethingreally important to me and that i really cherish.. and thats why, i must move forward..
and i will end it.. i will put a "happily ever after" to this ending. (:

thankyou dear, for being there for me, anytime and everytime(L)

2010-09-01T06:19:00.000-07:00

i got my first rose on the 31.Aug.2010 - 3 roses actually, will post the picture soon ba(:
so happy:DDD

im not afraid to say that this, and forever will be, THE BEST DAY 1ST OF SEPTEMBER OF MY WHOLE LIFE (:
watched step up 3 with him^^
really enjoyed it!
i love him(:
he is my everything, he is all i ask for.
why do i love him so much? i cannot understand either.
i just love, sitting with him.
i love being with him, even if its been the 1000000th time that i have gone out with him, i will never feel bored.
i love being near him.
i love his big warm hands.
i love his beautiful crystal eyes.
i love his broad shoulder.
i love his smile which never fails to melt my whole heart.
i love his sweet smell when he is close.
i love him. <3>
to me, he is PERFECT
i still cannot believe how lucky i am, to be loved by you.(:

ffion, the crazy, funny, lovely, sweet, patient, awesome, hyper girl that brought colour to my life. thankyou for being there everytime. thankyou for being my friend. thankyou for appreciating a girl like me.
im really a lucky girl! xP

2010-08-31T08:32:00.000-07:00

finally, tuesday is coming to an end(:
all i can say about today is that im feeling very contented.
went back to my primary school today, i felt the warmth i once felt there again~
just looking at the school.. as all the memories given by those four walls all rushes through my mind, veins and heart..
my friends too, made me feel fortunate to have been through what i have been through.
i was also glad to see my primary school teacher who went super hyper today^^
had a good chat with syafiqah and soleha~ i miss eilyne :S
i miss 6E!!

today was super hilarious.
we still had to study even though it was teacher's day, all my friends said they didnt have to.
anws, first period was chemistry which was with Mrs Yio, everyone was diligent in their work.
then chinese, was pretty slack.. listen to mdm chu lecture. She suddenly came to me and said alot of things which i could not get and laughed to herself. LOL!
then we had PE. VOLLEYBALL IS FUN!!^^
today, suppose to have triple maths after recess but then the last period was teacher's day celebration. haha.
fell asleep unexpectedly during amaths. Sorry Mr Phua. didnt mean to>.<
received my POA common test today. done very badly :z
MUST BUCK UP!!!
i really hope i can do better for my EOY. must work hard~

roses have never been so beautiful in my life up till today:D

2010-08-29T00:15:00.000-07:00

haha.. tasting "man-made saltwater" is really not nice.. and i have been tasting it for the whole week alrdy. Bleah.
hmmm... there is alot of things i really want to know now... and somethings, i dun wan to hear..
haha, ok, nvm. idk what am i talking about. (:

alot of ppl said i changed alot.. have i? LOL, i dun even know myself well.
kakak, aku tahu apa yang kau rasakan.. dan saya juga tidak bisa memberi sendiri jawaban..
im really in a dilemma now.
theres many things i cannot set straight, and more is loading on my shoulder..
sigh.. anws, all i know is that, i have alot of questions.. and i want answer..
but im not making a move because im afraid of the consequences and the answer which may not be in my favour, im afraid i would regret making that move. in other words.. im not prepared to know the answer.
but the more i drag.. the worse it gets. LOL
this is pure torture.. seriously.
HAHA!
anws, i gonna stop here. dun wish to think about it anymore. (:

honestly, i really should thank this blog.. and whoever who created this BLOG
it has been faithfully listening to all my ranting, complaining, confiding, hyperness, experiences and memories that i share without complain (its cant complain anws xD). LOL.
teacher's day is around the corner.. god, it reminds me of the board.. i have to squeeze my brain juices out and creativity.. x.x
aaawwwwwwwwwwww mmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnn~ haha
k, byeeee^^

Anda dilihat saya menangis satu ribu kali, tetapi anda tidak pernah tahu atau mengerti mengapa..

2010-08-27T05:23:00.000-07:00

FRIDAY AGAIN..
i cnt understand why i have been feeling so tired recently.. is it because of my cough? not sure.
... I WANTED TO BLOG ABOUT ALOT OF THINGS BUT SUDDENLY EVERYTHING FLEW OUT THE WINDOW~
its been a tough week... SIGH.
i wonder how im going to survive next thursday..
teacher's day is coming~!^^
im probing over what to get for:
1. Ms Deborah
2. Mr Tie
3. Mrs Illango
4. Mrs Yio
5. Ms Teo HH
6. Mr Qiu
7. Mr Wong
8. Mr Phua

LOL! am i being too ambitious? :p
OHYA! plus my mum ;P 1
what to get~~~ ARGH!!!

played frisbee with ffion today after choir!^^ it was super fun, although its just the two of us :p
sighh... i really cant remember what i want to blog about.. *frustrated*
nvm, when i remember i will blog again xP Haha!

... my POA is a goner~ :(

2010-08-20T07:05:00.000-07:00

IT FINALLY FRIDDAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!
lol, im feeling super happy and sad aswell.
HAPPY because well, its FRIDAY! haha
SAD because... i wont tell you :p

my poor blog.. so nice looking and yet its dead. lmao.
oh kay. I HAVE ALOT TO BLOG ABOUT TODAY. haha

starting from~

=7 Aug 2010=
first day of korean trip!
got to meet all the koreans and had ice breaking games^^
we got to eat indian food for lunch at little india aswell! the food was SUPER SPICY!
i over there, panting like mad and drink water non-stop, while the koreans is like ... ... -,-
haha! we also went to sheng siong supermarket buy groceries for our pinic the next day. the koreans went rather hyper over the supermarket, and somehow, so did we. HAHA!
coming to the supermarket has never been so amusing in my life xD

=8 Aug 2010=
second day of the twinning trip.
eeehhh... i forgot where i went.. LOL! if im not wrong, it was the day when i got to watched the most "exciting" 3D movie ever in the discovery centre.. it was so exciting that i fell asleep throughout. HAH! and we had a pinic at the cafeteria. (:
then we had a home visit. where the koreans are suppose to visit their buddies home to see and experience the difference. my father treated it like some interrogating session. SIGH..
my poor buddy.. :/

=9 Aug 2010 -National Day Parade!=
on this day, was the most awesome day of my entire life!!! :D
even though many days have past, it still feel so great participating in it!
all those sweat, messy hair, bruise and injury, changing and changing and changing of steps was all , feeling of fatigue, was totally worth it!^^

=10 Aug 2010=
went to school for Robotics lesson.
we fixed a robot called NeXT2 i think~ and we had a small competition between one another.
we were suppose to make our robot push the opponent's robot out.
me and my buddy's robot got into the semi-finals, we could have won, but somehow our robot went out of the ring on its own. HAHA! silly robot (:
then we headed down to the zoo? (i think..)
saw alot of animals there^^ we even got a chance to go behind the scenes to see how the vets deal with the sick and dead animals. (why does it feel like i have said this before..)
the more i looked on, the more i felt like vomiting.. it felt so sick and cruel..>.<"
we had chilli crab for dinner afterwards! hah! i had such a hard time trying to break open the shell.. malu sia. HAHAH! xD

=11 Aug 2010=
UNIVERSAL STUDIO SINGAPORE!!!
omg, of all everything we went for USS was the BEST!!
damn fun & thrill, and i think it was the only thing that brought us all closer than ever^^
i still remember how i rode on the roller coasters there 7times that i went back to school the next day with a serious back ache. haha!
i loved the mummy ride the most! and its the first roller coaster ride i have ever taken in my life!
haha, i feel so proud that i dared to ride 7 roller coasters in one day xD! HAHAH!
thumbs up to USS^^

=12 Aug 2010=
GOODBYE KOREANS ):
we had one last activity which was Digital Art in school and a farewell ceremony before went said goodbye to them. On the last day, we found it very unbearable for the them to leave.. some of the koreans cried.. then followed by us.. i told myself i wasnt going to cry, but yea... it always happens :p
On this very day, {12.08.2010} something.. wonderful, unforgetable, spectacular?, beautiful, awesome happened~ [you know, i know:] i will never never forget this day~ :DD

and today, i conquered 3test! mwahahaha!
but i hope the marks wont be disappointing.. :x
and had rehersal today, it was fun!^^
did afew sit-ups and yoga today, haha! reminds me of sec2 (:
after that played volleyball in school awhile before going home..
now my whole body aching, but it was worth it la.
heee^^
for the road ahead~ must jiayou!! >.<

bbyyyeeeeeeee :D

2010-08-18T07:42:00.000-07:00

super vexed and stressed up ttm!!! ):
i dont like it... my grades are all very disappointing...
my PPR2 is even worse x.x
EOY is coming.. my time feel so limited..
i really dont want to have to deal with anymore stuff... SIGH.
god is so mean.
RAWRR!!!!! im really on the verge of going mad!
i dont want to retain, i dont want to go to drop class..
:'(

HYPER TTM!^^

2010-08-05T22:26:00.000-07:00

this enthusiasm that is building up in me, i cannot control :D
tomorrow is the day!! the day where we finally get to meet the koreans.
i cant wait!^^ i feel so happy and at the same time so nervous~
i think i wont be able to sleep tonight. haha
today we celebrated the eve of the eve of the eve of national day. HAHA!
it was pretty fun, did alot of singing, shouting, laughing and screaming (:
through all these, i was reminded on how time flies so fast~
and monday, would be the BIG DAY :D
all the memories of ndp training keeps flashing in my head..
how we were so reluctant to shout 10!9!8!...
how we would sweat and get our hair all messed up like no ones business.
how we complained about trainings..
how we would all "faint" in the bus after long hours of training..
how we got nervous everytime we perform..
so many memories.. these memories, would remembered forever~
im really going to miss ndp alot..
ohya! and whoever that is reading this post, MUST WATCH NDP!!!^^

anws, theres this video that my tuition teacher showed me yesterday, which is somewhat related to what im trying to say: its just those little things in life that you would miss the most~
im sure some of you have seen it on tv, but in anycase, enjoy!^^
(i cried watching it :p)

2010-08-04T04:54:00.000-07:00

oh, gosh..
my chest feels so tight.. my mind is in a whirl.. my heart feels like it has shattered into a million pieces..
everything is happening in such a face pace, and here i am struggling to keep up..
test.test.test.
SIGH.
everyone is falling sick, and i cant do much either ));
i feel so hopeless and useless, i cant to anything well..
and i just flunked today's POA test, i did study.. but its not enough.. oh man.
i screwed today's flag rising.. everything is in a MESS!
this saturday, the koreans are coming, and somehow im feeling very afraid.
i really dont wish to fall to NA or retain.. but EOY is just months away.. and 'O' level is next year.
my time is also very limited.
SYF is next year..
NDP is 5days away.. and 45th annivesary is just.. idk, soon?
i really wonder, am i the only one struggling here?
how i wish a miracle would happen to me..
im really, literally suffocating here and now.
time, is really a very scary thing.. and its really torturing me slowly.. and very silently..
i hope i dont go into depression. :/
every time my father question me on how i am coping with my studies, i really have no confidence to answer him..
seriously, a miracle is all i need.. but that only happens one in a million times..
~ i feel so much better after blogging..
i realise everytime after i blog, my heart feels lighter.. and im motivated to move on again positively. (:

imy..

2010-07-28T05:54:00.000-07:00

my life, as usual, very busy. :/
but its ok, it keeps me on my feet.
Stayed back to do up the councillor's notice board today. Ffion stayed back with me till 6pm despised her "bai kah". haha, thank you ffion^^, what would i do without you(:
hmmm~
somehow i have this strong motivation that came out of nowhere... This motivation to push myself to work really hard. be it studies or cca, EVERYTHING!!
even with all those tight schedules and with my grades going down (sadly..) and the ndp training that i had to go through and all, i felt that it has made me stronger somehow.
With the help of everyone around me, ofcourse(:
Shi Hui is one(: even though.. im like such a lousy person when it comes to studies, she would still be there to remain me constantly not to let myself fall back and sometimes even helping me understand better.. although she has a talent of speaking very fast when it comes to teaching *ehem* ;p
yea~
i just feel very lucky to have people who care for me.
OHYA! speaking of lucky! i keep tripping over something or falling down recently.. :x
so much so that during today's PE, when we played soccer, while i was trying to pass the soccer ball.. i unintentionally used my ankle and now its hurting o:
hope i dont become "bai kah" as well. :p

2more weeks.. 2more weeks before NDP and the twinning trip with KOREA!! plus this Sunday is the preview! HO MI GAWDDD!!! *stress!*
i hope everything goes smoothly and nicely~
HEEE :D

and btw, to WL, I POST LE HOR!!! xDD
hehe
byebye^^v

2010-07-24T09:44:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISABEL! :D
NDP NE3 today.
just came back.
had an awesome time in the morning. ^^
played concentration with 201'09. played with around 18ppl. damn awesome. i had to do forfeit with shihui, haha! we were made to eat one bao together without using our hands. xD
damn wrong la!
then we so hyper, we sang our camp cheer song.
xi-shua-shua! xi-shua-shua! hahaha!
after that, we sang birthday song for isabel and ended up throw her birthday cake at one another. (omg, disgusting :p)
after that our training started and all the way till 9pm.
we had to put on make-up. this make-up artiste trainee.. i guess she was tired or something.
idk how she put eye shadow for me, that it went into my eyes.. now my eye is super red and it feels abit weird :/
and by night, somehow.. things did not turn out so right..
anws, i must say.. is the most awesome ndp training i had up till now. (:
celebrating ffion's bday in advance tmr.. so chiong hw now.
super sleepy x.x

p.s.
thanks xiaoshu(:
for everything, and the letter you sent... im really touched, and i miss you and xiaoshen alot.
i miss you guys truck loads!!>.<
and Joie is veryvery pretty and adorable, cant wait to see my biaomei!^^
takecare yea, my high-tech uncle ;p

zai jian!! :)

2010-07-23T08:11:00.000-07:00

HELLOLOLOLOLOOOOO!!!^^
loads of things on mind and loads of work.. as usual.
this week was full of ups and downs for me.. everything happened in one week.. but it was so draggy each day, one day seem to take forever to past by.
tmr NDP.. im starting to get really sian just hearing it. :/
actually i really have alot of things on my chest that i want to say out...
oh, nvm. forget it.
i think im pms-ing, i just so feel like crying recently.
plus during CME class, when some volunteer from hospice care centre came and showed us a video about elders that dont have many days to live.. i found myself unable to continue watching the video and i was really about to burst into tears.
OMG, what is wrong with me.
i really feel like screaming!
but it feels like, no matter how hard i scream.. nothing is heard.
i feel like i lost soul... not knowing what i want or where i want to go..

aawww... man. i didnt want to post an emo post today, but i really cant help it.
the feeling of pain is so overwhelming.. and this pain, i think i have felt it before.. somewhere. life sucks, but sadly, im living this life.
kk, somehow just dont feel like posting anymore.
byebye

everything seems to happen so fast in this draggy day which felt like it would take forever..

2010-07-08T07:11:00.001-07:00

FML.FTW.
my life sucks to the core now, especially today.
typed one whole chuck of words, but decided not to post.
im really very exhausted, i keep havin to come home very late recently..
plus i have hmwrk, so im sleeping time is then delayed very much.
so i didnt get much sleep recently, therefore, my mood is very unstable.
plus YL keep texting and msning me ttm which is really irritating me to the max.
ndp, is really straining everything out of me.. plus studies and councillor.
my body really feels very heavy. please, i have to come home to people who cant be bother or think i have been playing truent recently.
i really, feel like jumping off a cliff.
wth la, in sku... sian like mad, tired like shit.
come home also...
hiya, forget it. just pretend this post was never posted.
my life, is just full of shit now.
if i give you attitude in sku, please forgive me. i usually dont mean it.((:
byeeeeee

2010-07-04T07:01:00.000-07:00

KOREA.KOREA.KOREA!!! :D
yes ah! my parents finally agreed to letting me go on the exchange programme!
YIPEEEEE~~
damn happy la, i cant stop dancing around>.<
somemore its during december, I GET TO SEE WINTER AGAIN!!
but its still along time before december, so i should work hard.. mmmmm..
so happiee^^
just now went out with my family to 313@somerset. got to eat that ice-cream again, SHIOK UH^^
saw desmond there, so qiao wor.
tmr is youth day. which makes me wonder how many more youth day's will i be able to enjoy till... LOL
ohya, and i will die on tuesday x.x this day, 06.07.2010, i will not forget.
mwahaha, kimchi wo lai le!!;D
omg, i gotta get this korea thing out of my head>.<

sometimes i cannot understand why...

2010-06-29T07:07:00.000-07:00

school reopened on monday.
totally not in the mood for studying. :/
i felt like i havent even had my holidays yet, have been going back and forth school almost everyday.
anws, i moved to my parent's hse also, feels suckish to be here. i miss my amma...
omg, cried just now when she called, so malu )):
had NDP training today at kranji, reached home around 9. power.
still got loads of hw and stuff to do, and now im stuck at POA-,- gggggaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! save meT^T
omg, even if its just like just 2days from the start of school, alrdy stressed up like made with many things to do. now its like everything is revolving around my head, as im afraid i might forget it.
kkk, short post today.
byeeeeee^^

get well soon(:

2010-06-24T22:25:00.000-07:00

BACK FROM COUNCIL CAMP!!^^
the camp, although its just a 2 day camp, learnt alot from it.. experienced many things..
found out alot of things, understood alot of things.. PLUS!! MADE NEW AWESOME FRIEND :D
the first day, we had leadership training & bonding games (:
we learnt how to dance as a group to the song GEE by SNSD. hahaha!
then we had alot of brain storming and understanding of what it takes to being a leader.
yea, we even fished-out our weakness and strength through this camp.
at night, we had dinner with the graduating senior and exchanged presents... :/ aawww man... im starting to miss them )));
nvm, switch topics.
during the dinner, sat with Hafiz, Syahiran, Rebecca and Nikki.. HAHA! we laughed lot, at first we talked about chicken, then to geylang then to hafiz meeting a gay and then to HA! HA! LOL!
from then on, hafiz was know as HA!HA!HAfiz xD ROFL

the next day, we came together and bonded more with the sec 1 and 2.
My group, Group 1, the people are AWESOME!^^
they are very funny and very cooperative with me, they understand when to be serious and when to have fun, they are really an awesome lot. had alot of fun with them.
in my group there is me, rebecca, yusof, sumitro, nicole, putri, emilyn, yun qing ;)
we had to play the games which the sec 3 made up for them..
i made up a game called, off MY chair! haha xD
there was this game which ffion came up with, twister.
had choir yesterday too(:
haha! damn fun.. but it was super tiring. fell sick yesterday aswell. :/

sometimes... it justs stops there, and i see nothing..

2010-06-19T09:12:00.000-07:00

im so tired... jiu ming! I WANT TO SLEEEEEEPP!!>.<
RAWWRR!! stupid wet hair, cant you dry faster?
Just came back from NDP training at Padang. SHIOK! ^^
the place there is reallreallyreally awesome! the scenery and all, omg!! (ok, i sound like some tourist who was from some ulu village..-,-)
anw, the training was pretty tedious, especially during the afternoon. it was super hot.
couldnt see a thing.
but at the same time it was fun :D
got to see fireworks! BOOMZ!
got to see aeroplanes! ZZOOOOOMMMZ!!
hahaaha!

tmr is father's day. mmmm... (:

2010-06-15T22:09:00.000-07:00

(taken from shihui's blog)

wheee!! new template^^ looks nice :D

ok. being pushed by shihui to update my blog cause its pretty... dead.

yea, sorry. xP

anws, went out with Liyana, ShengDa and Shihui to Seoul Garden at Ngee Ann City.

one word, AWESOME^^

its was liyana's, ShengDa's and MY first time eating steamboat with friends. Haha, it was also my first time at Seoul Garden. :)

After eating truck loads, took some pics with shihui's new cam and went home.

had NDP yesterday and Councillor Exco audition-,-

so lame lor, whats the point of auditioning?

NDP was ok(: honestly, im starting to like NDP, hehe^^v

now, im just lazing around... planning with mum where to go. LOL

mmm... i like the new blogskin^^ HEEE :D

byebyeeeeee (:

2010-06-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

hihi^^ gosh, although im having holidays, im blogging less than when before my holidays started. LOL.
(i realised i have gotten so used to saying this LOL that i cant shake off the bad habit. LOL.)

recently i have been rather busy... busily having fun :p
saturday, i went out with my amma as usual + i went for tution too, afterwards went over to mum's house to stay (:
sunday, went out with mummy and amma to united square. sisters wanted to buy stuff.
monday, went to ICA building with mum and sis to get mine and my mother's passport renewed as our passport expired. after that went shopping at People's Park and ate at Carl's Jr. omgz, the burger is seriously AWESOME. im not exaggerating!! really! :P
tuesday, went to WildWildWet with mum and sisters. it was fun but super tiring :p

having choir tmr, i havent went for choir for a very long time alrdy.. i miss it.
my father is coming back tonight^^
i feeling so very HAPPY :DDDD HEEE.

i love it the way it is. (:

2010-06-01T08:11:00.000-07:00

hihi!
everyone has gone away~ daddy has gone to china, shihui has gone to taiwan, ffion has gone for OBS, rebecca has gone to malaysia... SIGH.
anws, as i got so bored roaming around the house aimlessly with nothing to do, yet to lazy to do much... i started randomly reading people's blog and one of them had a story:
about a black bird who rest under the shadow of a tree in relaxation, while two white birds sat on the branch of the tree under the sun..
as the season pass the white birds took flight and migrated else where while the black bird still stayed at the same spot..
after one cycle of the season, one white bird came back and was puzzled to see the black bird by itself, and so it asked it why didnt the black bird find someone to accompany it through the season.. the black bird replied, "because im waiting for someone to do the same, and sharing the same lonely feeling as me."
but i the story didnt end here...
the white bird, then took the black bird by its wings and pulled it out of the shadow..
the white bird looked at the black bird and smiled, " you are not alone."
and sored high in the sky with the black bird, the black bird then realised.. it wasnt black after all. it was because it stayed under the shadow in the dark, which maked it looked like as if it was.
from above, he also came to realise how beautiful the tree it had always stood under was.

this, is just my opinion.. sorry for taking your story and adding on my own.. i know that copyright.
but i know, different people have different ways of ending this story. In a way, which makes them very unique. But in my opinion, i think people should be optimistic about their lives, because sometimes, if we look at the big picture.. it may just be a blessing in disguise. who knows(:

ok, enough of me being so inspirational.. im sssoooooooooo boredd!!!>.<
okai.. im craving for korean food :/
so hungry!! so hungry!!>.<"
k, baibai ;P

i have this sudden ambition of becoming an astronaut. how randomm! xD

2010-05-30T00:37:00.000-07:00

29.05.2010 WAS AWESOME!!^^
we had NDP training yesterday till 9pm at Kranji Campsite, although it was the longest and most tedious(as they said) day, it was also the best!! :D *thumbs up*
at first it was really hot in the afternoon. sweat alot.. can see big wet patches on everyone's shirt.
but then as time passes the temperate cooled alot (:
we had quite a long break a one point of time as the weather looked like it was gonna rain, but it didnt rain at all. LOLOL.
during the break, we ate ice-cream (WAH! SHIOK uh^^), biscuits and milo. the milo packet was so small and so cute. hahahaha.
then me and ffion roamed around aimlessly around the canteen at the kranji campsite. then we practice choir songs and at one point i become a toilet door holder, as the toilet door cannot locked so i had to help a few girls hold their door. LOL! haha!
Learnt alot of new formations during the practice and the distance between each person's position was much further than i expected. We had to run the the center within 8 or 16 counts and my position was in the far corner, so as i had to run to the center, before i can even reach.. the rest come charging towards me le. HAHAHHA! so funny larhh. shihui also :p
had dinner around 7pm, the same food we ate on thursday. lol
played truth or dare after finishing our food, truman was forced to say "lao shi wo ai ni!" hahaha!
after that we assembled tgt again. me, shihui, SD, fi, Edwyn, serene and meiling were telling jokes to one another and randomly sang, "ONE PEOPLE ONE NATION ONE SINGAPORRRREE" as it was being played. Then serene and SD started singing some old song. ROFLLL. after that did we did afew more formations before going home. Our bus drivere day was CHAO JI SHUAII!!! xD
seriously la! even shihui agrees^^ great minds think alike. HAHAHAHA!
ramsay keep playing around and sa jiao at the bus driver. so funny.
overall, im really glad my saturday was a fun and fulfilling one :DD
i want again!! XDDD

2010-05-27T06:58:00.000-07:00

im bored. but i dont feel like doing anything.
didnt get a chance to update about tuesday.. so here i am blogging. :)
went out with shihui to watch IRON MAN 2^^
i got 2 free tickets to catch any movie.. so i went with her. heee :p
the show was superduper nice and it was very intense (for us i guess.)
i keep finding myself figetting and going hyper over the show.. thinking im watching the show alone.. LOL.
we ate sushi niwa also! very nice :DD
anws... rather dissappointed with my marks.. but i know this is what i have worked for..
i wasnt really concentrating on it.. i was pretty much distracted.. in a way.
i took 7 subject and failed 4 of them..
but what was unexpected was that i passed chinese and failed my amath. o:
i honestly worked very hard for my amaths.. and i failed by 2marks -,-
feel so shitty.
i reallyreallyreally hope my CA1 would help me pull up my grades.

does this mean that im giving up?

2010-05-24T05:36:00.000-07:00

ok, after reading a few of my latest previous posts... i realise how terrible my moodswing is recently. thats a bad sign ): very, bad.
i have never moodswing so hard before..
anws, i FINISHED MY PRACTICAL BABYY!!^^
i finally pulled through my MYE! going out with shihui tomorrow to sort of celebrate the end of MYE and to relief stress.. as i have no school tomorrow, WHEEEEE~! :DD
my sister reaction was really really big knowing that i dont have school tmr while she has.

me: mummy, i tomorrow no school.. can we have dinner outside tmr?
sis: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? YOU TOMORROW HAVE SCHOOL LA!!
me: i dont have. mummy, so how? you and daddy free tmr?
sis: DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IS IT TMR??!
me: -,- can you stop interupting. I KNOW TOMORROW IS TUESDAY!!
sis: YA LA!! GOT SCHOOL WHAT???!! YOU THINK SO GOOD UH??
me: i dont have.. -,-
sis: you have.
me: dont have laarrhh!!
sis: YOU HAVE LARHH!! SO LAZY!!
me: xiaomeimei, i finished my exam today, tomorrow is my school's marking day no need go school..
sis: ...YOU DONT BLUFF!!
mum: ya, jiejie tmr no school mei.
sis: DDDD: WHHHAAATTT??!!?! thats so UNFAIR!!!
me: xDDDDDDDDDD!!!!

HAHAHAHA!!! so funny man. couldnt stop laughing then. :p
btw, went to Banquet to eat lunch with shihui, liyana, dafinah and shengda. (:
im so addicted to JASON DERULO's songs>.<>

2010-05-22T06:44:00.000-07:00

heyheyhey!!^^
went out with ffion today.
watched 'The Last Song' with her. It was awesome! but it was very very very sad.
you can hear alot of sniffing and moaning sounds from every corner of the cinema.. i cried very hard too... >.<
After that, went to walk around Plaza Singapura, ate MOS burger then train home. (:
it was a nice day out.
im reallyreallyreally happy.
because of fourr people today (:

thankyou, for being there for me when i needed you, for being understanding towards me, for being my friend.. ShiHui, THANKIIUUUU~~~!!!!! :)))
-and-
i am glad you were true, i didnt trust you in vain.. im very happy to hear that, i made a right choice.. im very happy that i met you... i have no regrets the days i have spent with you... thankyou(:
-and-
thankyou Clement for comforting me yesterday!^^ you rock brother! :D
-and-
thankyou ffion, for filling my day today^^

thanks, you guys! :DD
i cant say enough thankyou to you guys~~

2010-05-21T08:31:00.000-07:00

i finally finished all my written exams, only left with practical.. which doesnt requires much for me to study or anything.. but i cannot understand why... i still feel empty.. i dont feel the relief or joy that i always feel after finishing all my written exams.. dont like this feeling. :/
collected my ID today after the chemistry paper.. then went home and went out with family to watch 'SHREK FOREVER AFTER' in 3D at The Cathay. its was nice (:
sigh.. im sorry, seriously no mood to continue blogging...
all i can say is my life just sucks to the core.

still holding back... wtf am i doing. SUNICIA EFE HALIM IS A SORE LOSER!!

2010-05-15T08:44:00.000-07:00

hello!
not suppose to be here, but yarh..
yesterday, which was friday, which also was the day i took my english MYE and which is also the day.. i might not be here anymore.
i dont know if i should count myself as really lucky, or really dao mei.
i dont know what was wrong with me or what went wrong that day, or who knows..
but i nearly got knocked down by a car/bus.
in the morning before my exam, i was on my way to school.. i nearly got knocked down by a bus. a SCHOOL BUS. it wasnt my fault, it was the bus uncle's fault..
he saw me, and i even stopped at the curb to wait for him to move first, but he just stared and didnt move. so i took that as he wanted me to move first. so i crossed the road. When i did he drove, and didnt stop. i was lucky enough to have moved backwards before getting hit. and he just drove off.
so i didnt think or do much, just thought it was very rude and reckless of him and continued to make my way to school..
after my english exam, as i was on the way home... that blanko blurblur feeling came back to me again. So much so that i cross the road WITHOUT the pedestrian crossing, WITHOUT noticing.. i just crossed.
then this silver car came driving my way, and somehow i just stopped in the middle of the road, trying to shake that blanko feeling at the same time trying to make out where i am... the silver car honked at me. i could hear it honking but my mind was still blank.. until it honked the last time then i really sensed what was going on, becoz everything is going so fast.. my mind was left in confusion. i tried to move backwards, but know i wont make it to avoid the car.. the car deccelerated but i also knew he could make it to stop in time. his car slowed down alot by the time it reached me, i was standing at the far left of the front of the car. trying to avoid flying or getting my toes runned over, i twisted my body so my back is 45degrees facing the front of the car and then i turned again to avoid getting dragged along by the car, and end up hitting against the side of the car and my back hit hard against the side mirror before falling onto the ground as the car made a complete stop..
i was still in the middle of the road. so i bared the pain and quickly got up and ran to the curb where it was safer, and where the driver was as well.
He was alright, when he came out of his car (Thank god!), and he face was totally black. he looked as if he wanted to scold the hell out of me.. but somehow he looked at me for quite sometime before saying are you alright? (honestly, i was rather puzzled when he asked me that question instead of scolding me.) i did not check and replied nonono straight away. he checked his car and it was fine, he reminded me not to do that every again and drove off..
i walked home. as i walked home.. i started crying not because the bruised that was painful that i cried... but, i dont know why. i just cried.. and i couldnt control it. i didnt dare to go home.. so i cried at the void deck, until i stopped crying, but it just didnt stop. so i went home.
Later my parents brought me to Raffles Hospital, did a veryveryvery long check up before going home. I still cant believe im here..
it sounds so epic.. but its real.
But my point is, I just want to tell everyone to be careful next time.. use the pedestrian crossing. its maybe kind of ma fan, but still.. its a good habit.
No point wasting your life like that just because of a simple bad habit of not using the pedestrian crossing. if a solution is there for you, why not make use of it? So people out there, do be careful, dont end up like me. kay la.. shall not luo suo le.
next week monday is Social Studies & POA.. x.x
im so doomed.

2010-05-12T06:40:00.000-07:00

hihihi!
mugging for my exam which starts tomorrow!>.<
first paper, CHINESE. oh my tian. the subject that i hate most :/
and the best thing is my freaking file is with my chinese teacher, HOW TO STUDY FOR MY LETTER WRITING TOMORROW?!?!
*frustrated*
so many things happened today, just so quickly.
I have chosen to believe you, until i have found the real truth.. I dont believe you are that kind of a person.. although, im already semi-dissapointed. i feel that i should not jump to conclusion just because of what somebody said.

i pray hard that i can pass tomorrow's paper,
ok, shall go back to work.. shall update more after my exams i guess.
JIAYOUJIAYOU!!!^^

2010-04-30T05:27:00.001-07:00

YAY!!! ITS FINALLY FRIDAY PEEPS!!^^
*dancing around the room*
i have been waiting forever for today to come. haha ;P
Had my POA COMMON TEST today, and for the first time.. i think i might pass this test.
but im not pinning too much hope, or else i'll be very disappointed if i fail it.(CCCHHOOOOYY) :x
today was only till 12.45pm.. but it felt so looonngg~ i nearly fell aslp in almost all the classes as i didnt really get much sleep for the whole of this week.
After that i had choir.. which was suppose to end at 4.30pm but we were released at 3pm.
i took a bus to J8 to meet my sister.. she went for her tution while i waited for her in the bishan library nearby.
While i was there, there was some cammotion whereby these group of girl (about 10girls in e grp) in their school U, had some quarrel with the librarian there. And they started screaming and shouting vulgarities at a labrarian-,-
wth la, attention seekers sia, somemore its at the entrance.. So lame lor, nth better to do than to come to the library to seek trouble for themselves.
subsequently, as i went up to the 4th floor.. about 5 security guards came following behind me.
Later they caught another girl, with the same uniform as the ones at the entrance.. she also infront alot of people showed all sorts of attitude to the security guards.. and somehow, 1 cat. high boy, 1 st. joseph boy and one boy(arnd my age) in pink shirt. were all part of it aswell..
didnt know what was going on, and worst was.. i was just nice standing exactly at the middle of all the cammotion. LOL! i quickly walked away. xP
haha!
aawww... man... me so bboorrreeeddd..
i feel like drawing.. :p
BYEBYE!^^

2010-04-29T02:50:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JENNIFER/EGA/TIMOTHY~~
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUU~ :DD

haiya.. actually i typed alot in this post... but my sister went to shut down my computer!!! :@
IIRRRR!!!! so.. lazy to retype everything la.
just want to say, how i think all 6 tests i took this week, the outcome would be ugly.. and how lousy the weather is.. :/
in any case, MYE is coming... so..
SUNICIA, JIAYOUJIAYOU!!
SHIHUI, JIAYOUJIAYOU!!
FFION, JIAYOUJIAYOU!!
EVERYONE, JIAYOU FOR YOUR MYE!!!^^

27/04/2010, edilym.

2010-04-24T06:03:00.000-07:00

hi! my 2nd post of the day, as i was roaming through facebook, i saw something so funny that i laughed till i fell off the chair. BUT YET IM STILL LAUGHING xDDDD! AHAHAHAHA!

read this:

2010-04-24T03:48:00.000-07:00

OH GOD!
im freaking busy and stress ttm!!>.< *SCREAMS*
MYE is around the corner. (2 more weeks!) and i have tons of homework!
still got TEST next week! >.<
1. chinese test
2. social studies test
3. physics test (?)
this is worse than PE-.-
this week, was fine for me, not too good yet not too bad. I have so many new nicknames by now, from: susu>suniKA>suniCAI>PATRICIA MOK(-,-no link)>CLOUD(O.o)>JESSICA LIU^,-> SUKUSUKU(silly);KUSUKUSU;KUKUSUSU;SUSUKUKU. LOL! power right? xDD

23/APR/10
had my EMATHS common test. OMG! im SO going to flunk it this time.
ms teo is gonna chop my head off! x.x she somemore before the common test tell me not to give her heart attack again :x
DIE!
had PE after that. DOUBLE DIE! asusual, we did 30x3 jumping jacks, and a 4 rounds run around the school compound.. which.. wasnt so bad. OMG! NAPFA test is also COMING! x.x
followed by chinese, blahblahblah, lecturelecturelecture..
Niche afterwards rocks!^^ had alot of fun there, and laughed alot too. ;D
we were also suppose to stand in random positions and give three notes, one of the soprano's, the alto's and the tenor's and we have in total of 18 ppl there, so we have to sing and just by listening try the balance the sound in order to make all 3parts have equal amount of ppl sing. which means, 6x6x6 which therefore=18ppl. and we manage to do it! its damn cool!^^
Afterwards went home and bathe then set off to bring my sis to her tution, and then train down with my family to bugis. We ate MA MAISON, YUM!:p
on my way, i bumped into NAT HO! (EEKKK!! xP) hohoho, aint i lucky^^ He is damn shuaii larh! he wore orange contact lenses on that day aswell, and he is so tall~ so AWESOME^-^

24/APR/10
today i had once again 2amaths tuition.. (can die man x.x) but in between i went to Bugis with shihui^^
She ate pepper lunch while i had korean kimchi noodles. WAH SEH! that kimchi noodle ROCK MY SOCKS MAN! ;D
then after that we went to take neoprint (: damn nice sia!!!<3
then went walk all around, to iluma, and then she went to meet her mummy while i train to tpy for my amaths tution which was not too bad. Anws, i bought Jennifer's birthday present le! ;p i *heartheartheart* today's outing^^

dont fear the shadows you see, it just means theres light somewhere nearby.

2010-04-21T06:50:00.000-07:00

YES!YES!YES AH~! I FINALLY PASSED MY POA TEST!!>.<
EEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!!!! damn happy lah!^^
today was a rather long day... i didnt really get to sleep well for the pass few weeks.. its always only 6-4 hours of sleep.. :/
as usual, due to lots of work to be done.. and so little time..
having alot of problem in school... not me who is the problem but the school.
my school was talked about on news... twice! then i have a chinese teacher who has serious menopausal problems, and severe short-term memory.. what is worse is that she has something against me. have no idea who is wrong with her. ARGHH! :@
this whole week for me is packed...
monday-2.10pm, AVA cca.
tuesday-1.40pm, NDP.
Wednesday- 2.10pm (POA), councillor meeting.
thursday-1.40pm, choir.
friday- 12.45pm, HALLELUJUH!! :DD

ok... my eyes cant stay open anymore. x.x

message to:

the guy with the black and red blog (if you are reading) :
you dont have to try so hard to be noticed, it just naturally comes.. just be yourself. and im sure there ARE people out there who do realise your existence for more then just a second, its just you may not have seen or realised it as you were too busy trying. Even if you are always unhappy... there will be ppl who notice you.. for your unhappiness. its not a crime to be unhappy, its just who you are. different people have different character, therefore different way of reacting to your character. you may sometimes be rather pessimistic or upset, but i know deep down inside.. there is a reason of what you have become. You ARE A GOOD PERSON. believe and have faith in yourself. Believe who YOU WANT TO BE. not for anyone else but yourself. btw, by saying all this, would atleast take me more than 2mins.. and written here is all about you, who says your existence is not realise? (:

2010-04-15T04:54:00.000-07:00

had my SPORTS CARNIVAL today.
i was mostly empiring, never got to play the games ):
i empired the sec 1 parachute volleyball. it was very fun although i didnt really get to play. (:
my class won both in skittles and bossa balls!!! WWWHHHHEEEEEEEEEE!!! 3E2 WAN SUI!!!^^
it was very fun, yet very tiring too.
then actually plan to go northpoint eat with shihui lunch, but then councillor must help to bring the equipment back to school.. :/
i was too tired to detour back to yck mrt.. so went to park mac with ffion instead.
IM REALLY SORRY SHIHUI. ):
after that i brought my sister for her tution.
saw Lin Hui and gang. LOL!
after that went home. Slept for awhile. Now both my legs are having cramps..
still feeling tired.. sigh..

2010-04-11T06:39:00.000-07:00

this video is super touching, i watch till i cried my eyes balls out. LOL.

not literally, but i really cried as if someone close to me pass away or something.

nvm, after you watch it, then you would understand. haha!

well, dont say i didnt warn you, so get your box of tissue ready infront of you. (:

anws, i had a fun outing by myself yesterday. LOL!

after my tuition, i went to somerset 313 alone. shop there, it was super cool la!

i treat myself to a cup of ice-cream. it was blue in colour, and the flavour is cotton candy. SUPERB MAN!

after that, i trained to my other tution, after that i went home. ;p

its not so bad going out alone after all.

today, i played some card games with my family as my parents are finally back!^^

i played and i kept winning, then i looked at everyone's face, it was super funny la! it was so funny that i suddenly burst into laughter that went wild and i couldnt control it. LOL, damn hilarious.

tomorrow, first thing in the morning, physics tropical test. ):

somehow, your radiant smile defeated the sunshine.

2010-04-09T06:31:00.000-07:00

my poor lonely blog, i havent updated it a for week already!
this whole week... haish... i think its totally screwed up.
but atleast its finally friday.
had my humanities common test today... i totally screw it up... im so gonna fail it.
plus my Emaths.. *sigh*
my assignment records has also dropped.. im seriously very disappointed in myself.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I MISS YOU TWO!! Iiiirrrr!!!! its damn frustrating kay? :/
anws, i made my NRIC today.. and yea, chinese was boring.. as usual. ( i really need help on my chinese and POA man :x) plus PE.. oh man.. did (35x5)+15+10+10 jumping jacks. LOL!
after that had niche. we sang, Shinjiru in our parts.haha. we also sang Stopping by the Woods on a Snowing Evening. its was pretty alright, just that we havent practice for very long.. so, it was alittle fractured.
afterwards we had NDP.. damn tiring can? it wasnt much.. we did another 20+20 jumping jacks there.. got used to it... after that i went home.
super tired, with the burden of my stupid cramps -,-
haish.. to summarise it in two words.. screwed up.

im begging you to stop bothering with that HOW ARE YOU question, im NOT fine. you satisfied?

2010-04-02T07:51:00.000-07:00

yesterday, went to SINGAPORE FLYER!!
went during the night, although i could see much.. but the view was seriously beautiful^^
after that met amma and went to eat at popeye's, i didnt really like it.
but im still very happy^^
later when we went home, we watched AVATAR: the legend of aang .
i so love the show! <33

today, went to:
VIVO CITY(lunched at DIAO XIAO ER)>SENTOSA>UNIVERSAL STUDIO>UNITED SQUARE>HOME
had a long day today.. omg, im so exhausted that i dont know where to begin.
Went to vivo city to lunch at diao xiao er . there is now cotton on in vivo!
but too bad i didnt get to take a look.
went to sentosa, omg, it was super pack. went to imbiah station to the underwater world and then took the bus to the merlion and walked down towards Universal studio, didnt actually really get to go in but the place was damn beautiful!^^
HAD ALOT OF FUN WITH MY FAMILY TODAY!!! ;DD
later, we went to eat at this restaurant called GRANDMA at united square. it was very yummy!^^
theres alot of photo to upload and im too tired.. so, shall upload it some other time :)

I got my skateboard too!!! finally^^
was playing with it yesterday. fell quite afew times, butt hurts>.<
haha. but i still havent got hold of it yet.
only learnt how to balance it, dont know how to move it yet. haha.
kay la, tired le.
tomorrow still got tution, then going to shihui's house (:
k, cya!^^

2010-03-31T06:07:00.000-07:00

super busy, super duper busy.
LUCKILY THERE IS A GOOD FRIDAY. i love whoever who invented this day^^

ok.
on monday, school started with physics (kungfu panda! xD)
and my POA teacher has changed! YAY! ;x
and i got back my AMATHS RESULTS! i though i would totally flunk this test and get a "beautiful egg" drawn on my paper. As the test was harder than my common test which i scored 9/40.
but guess what? i scored 11/40! im shock la, but its still a fail. but atleast im getting the hang of it (: i know im not suppose to be happy about it, but unfortunately.. i am xP
sunicia, JIAYOUJIAYOU FOR AMATHS!^^

3-times{YM}!

on tuesday, during flag rising. the mic suddenly spoil ==
and suaysuay i was on duty. SO, i had to run up and down infront of the whole school, so MALU! x(
had PE. it was fun!^^ but watching the way how shihui did it, was more fun. HAHAHAH xD
had Chinese too, and i swear.. the teacher is really against me. She everyday like to pick on me.
she didnt even check or read the work that i gave her, she just scans through and say that my work is horrible done, either ask me to stay back and re-do or reprimand me. DAMN IRRITATING CAN?
i also did english, Stand&Deliver.. (it sound rather sick to me xD) anws, yea... was shaking my way through and i sounded like i had speech impediment. LOL!
had 2 periods of Amaths. x.x
Later, had NDP training till 6. reach home at 8 due to traffic jam x.x
poor me. :(

Wednesday, SL>POA>PE>Chinese>Chemistry>S.S.
SL: pretty boring.
POA: poa test-->gone case..
PE: quite fun xD
Chinese: sianzz.. -,-
Chemistry: DD: MRS YIO IS PREGNANT!!T^T
S.S.: plus one test! 18/20 o:
after that i came home and sleep through till now. and im still feeling tired :/

2010-03-28T06:31:00.000-07:00

define: My Life
-No Definition Found.

define: Myself
-No Definition Found.

do you understand? i dont like giving false hopes either.

2010-03-24T06:03:00.000-07:00

ever since school started, my life was just homework, test, homework, test, homework, test and more HOMEWORK!
siao man... everyday, must bring home one big pile of homework to do.. and then? bring back to school again -,-
sigh.
so tiring.
having amaths class test tomorrow, on logarithms. i think i'll mess this one up as well. :S
I MUST KEEP ON THE TRACK!!!!
quarrelled with my sister today, and believe it or not, its the first time after like... 5years? and we quarrelled BIG. :X
seriously was super pissed off at her la. She everyday would either forgot to sign something, bring home something or forgot to do her homework. ask her what is she suppose to do about her homework and she is clueless, totally cant be bothered at all.
and although in not in the wrong, but yet i felt very guilty-,- WTH la!!>.<
IIIIRRRRR!!!!

2010-03-23T05:55:00.000-07:00

i dont know whats gotten into me these few days...
something is bothering me, but i cant seem figure out what.
my heart, mind everything all tangled up together... i feel terrible.
i dont know what im so upset about... i felt this way before.. but i also couldnt find the answer what is making me who i am. ):
im like, totally not myself.
keep avoiding people, keep suddenly getting mad.
then suddenly perfectly fine.
i somehow have this urge of crying, but i cant find a reason to cry.
so its like, everything is contemplated inside.. which i cant let out.
that heavy and saffocating feeling.. is seriously driving me up the wall.. :X
is there something wrong with me? or is it just some random PMS?
forget it... shall stop here.

did i hurt you? if i did, im sorry. i didnt mean to avoid you or anything.

2010-03-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

had a fun day out with SHIHUI! :D
plaza singapura>city hall(niwa sushi!^^)>jurong point>toa payoh> home.
was a super long and FUN day. haha!
love you shihui! ;DD!
and thanks FFION, for waiting an hour for me. im super sorry for being late. :X
love ya all! x33

2010-03-18T07:02:00.000-07:00

HIYA!^^
omg, today is alrdy thursday, my holiday is coming to an end soon ):
SSSOOOOO FFFFAAAAASSSSSTTTT!!!!>.<
yesterday and today. was family day! just that my father isnt here to join us, coz he is in china :)
im starting to kinda miss him. xP
anyways, yesterday.. we planned to go marina barrage in the morning and night safari at night..(-,- sister's idea)
but then, we woke up really late.. so we changed the plan and made pizza and agar-agar at home. its was super fun! but yet also, super yummy! its was our first time, but someone it tasted nicer than pizza hut! must be becoz there is the taste of success in there (:
Then in the night, we went to eat mac donalds for dinner and then catched a movie at 7pm.
we watched, Percy Jackson and the lightning theft. At first, i thought i was gonna be super lousy and super lame... but surprisingly it was DAMN NICE!^^
my mum is simply the GREATEST! *THUMBS UP!* ;D
then we came home and watched another movie that my mum rent called totoro. super cute!^^
i lovelovelove the show xD
today, i went for my dental appt. in school, in the morning. which completely sianz my day ==
and i tot, what could be worse than this? but guess what? i was WRONG!
when i reached the bus stop it started rain like, very BIG rain!
then i got drenched as there is no shelter from my school to that bus stop.
when i got there, which was finally. i had to wait in the air-con room... and when it was finally my turn, i only took about less than 5mins and the dentist comment was:
"your teeth they are perfectly fine, you may go home" -,-
GGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
later, i went to wildwildwet with my family. (:
it was awesome! so fun^^
hee :D saw alot and alot of familiar faces today too.
and thanks shihui for understanding about wednesday :D